Dear Diary

Chapter 24 - Cooper

Ana and I sat in a comfortable silence during our way back to her place. A lot of things in my mind that I tried to sort out. About Billy and her future, about Ana and her past. No wonder she seems to know Billy so well, sometimes more than Jemima and me.

Once we get to Ana's place, Cooper the dog greets us with his smile. Ana scratches his ears and turns to me. "Umm.. you want to talk or shower?"

"Talk, because it will give me ideas if I know you naked in the other room."

Ana chuckles softly and goes to the kitchen. She pours two glasses of red to the brim and brings it to her living room. She pulls her legs up and sits comfortably. I sit next to her, but not as close as I always do. We're going to talk not to cuddle.

Ana sips her wine and inhale deeply. "I actually don't know where to start... umm, I think you already know that Lyla Sterling isn't my mom," she says carefully.

I nod. "From what you told Billy I put two and two together."

She nods. "When I was a teen, I didn't know what to do and what I want. My dad was busy with works. He always tried to find time for me, but he actually clueless too with me. How to handle a teen girl who mad at the world. I always felt like I was different from other kids. They have their parents, their mom sent them to school. Even Gloria Eisler, who was a super busy Hollywood babe, still had time to send Dean to school sometimes. Meanwhile, I always had nanny in tow."

"It's normal for you to feel like that, Ana." I squeeze her hand.

She smiles little. "Yeah, I know. But I always mad at my dad. And at one point to all the workers in our house. They tried to understand me, but it made me think they don't care about me. You know... I misunderstood them with ignorant."

I nod. I got what she meant.

"Until one day, I coincidentally met Lyla. She was in the boutique. I was there too and me, being a bratty 10 years old kid, mad at the sales for telling me the size I want was sold out." She rolls her eyes that makes me chuckle. "I didn't know that she was there. It's fate that brings us together. That night she went to a gala, and Dad also went there. She came to my dad, who by that time was his friend and told him that he had to be presents in my life."

"Wait, Lyla wasn't even you dad's girlfriend?"

Ana shakes her head. "Their parents are friends. Lyla didn't know my mom. But she knows my dad's family. Her family own schools. She was single and busy with her family's business. Guess she helped Dad with his struggle with me and  since then they are inseparable."

There are twinkles in Ana's eyes when she talks about her parents. Same as Charity whenever she remembers about our parents. Too bad in Charity, it ended with tears every time she talked about our parents nowadays.

"And when I met her for the first time I cursed." And suddenly Ana laughs. "Oh my God. I did curse on her. Dad almost slap me, I think. But Lyla handled me like a champ. It was like she knew what she had to do with me. She didn't say like it's fine. But she also didn't mad. She said to me rather firmly that that was going to be the last time she heard me saying that to her. After that, we had dinner and I behaved because I remembered I was afraid with her. But later she came to me and gave me the dress I wanted. She told me if I asked nicely the sales might tell me the place that still have my size. 2 months later it was my birthday, Lyla helped Dad to celebrate my birthday with friends. Those friends weren't really want to come but Lyla bribed them with Disneyland Anaheim."

"She booked it?"

Ana nods and chuckles, her eyes go dreamy like she goes back to that moment. "She booked the whole freakin' Disneyland, and flew all of us from New York. Between the first time I met her until my birthday she constantly there with me. She tried to see what I like the most. Her action told me that I can count on her. She helped me with my homework, my awkwardness with friends and especially my emotions." Ana wipes her tears. "After I grown up I asked her why she had to go all extravagant for that particular birthday? Because after that birthday, we celebrated it with my parents took me for a staycation over the weekend. She said, she had to bribe everyone otherwise they won't come to the biggest meanie in the class' birthday party." Ana laughs.

I chuckle. "She wanted to show you that you are loved."

Ana nods. "Yeah, and I no longer a spiraled girl. Especially when she told me that she loves me for who I am despite her relationship with my dad. My trust for her was 100%. I trusted her every words. Well I still trust her until now. She is my mom, even if we aren't family by blood. But she is my mom. That's why when I introduced you to her I didn't tell you she isn't my biological mom. Because it doesn't matter for me. What matters most is Lyla is my mom."

I nod. "I got it. I know you two are so close. I can feel it. And if you didn't tell me this I wouldn't ever think that she is not your biological mom. You two have some similar movements or style, like the way you walk and sit. So people who don't know, will never guess that you two aren't mom and daughter."

"Really?" Ana chuckles. "I don't think I copy her. On second thought maybe I do." She smiles softly. "And.. I feel the same with Billy. She's not just remind me of my past. But it seems I can see her thru her shield. I don't know how. She struggles is so many ways. The main reason she's not spiraled because she has you and Jemima as her good parents. You two are constantly there for her. But yeah, with addition me in her life, Jemima's reaction makes things imbalance in her heart and mind. That's why she ran away. Well, I don't know how I can read her. I just do."

I caress her hair. "Maybe because you look at her with your heart?"

She smiles. "Maybe," she says softly.

"Thank you, Ana."

She shakes her head. "Even without my relationship with you, I want to be her friend. And... I promise her to give her diary. I meant it."

I nod. "Thank you."

"Lyla was the one who gave me my first diary too, by the way."

"Oh the diary that now became your porn book?"

"What?" Her eyes widen.

"Last few pages you wrote blown by blown about our sex life. I just hoped Billy never touch that book," I tease her.

Ana pushes me. "You read it again???"

I laugh. "Can't help myself."

She glares at me but her lips twitch up. "Diary is a secret, Cooper."

"Oh yeah?" I lean and cup her face in my hands. She looks so beautiful and she is all mine. And to know that she had a bad childhood makes me want to make sure she has a perfect future.

Her eyes go soft when she looks up at me.

"Want me to tell you my secret?" I whisper softly.

"Yeah," she replies.

"I love you, Ana," I say to her, looking deeply to her eyes. Her eyes widen as if she doesn't believe what she just heard. "I love you," I say one more time.

She smiles brightly and kisses my mouth. "I thought I knew love. But now I feel this feeling for you I don't think the one back then was love. This... this is love, Cooper."

"What do you mean?" I search her eyes for answer. I feel like she is giving me a crown to be the king of the world. But I have to make sure my ears don't play with me.

She brushes her lips with my mouth one more time. "I love you, Cooper. With all my heart and soul. I love you."