Lost and found

Chapter 17

Hearing my son utter those words, my breathing stopped abruptly as I threw my head back to get a better view on him. He had calmly sat in the back of the car, arms folded, his blank eyes staring into my fearful ones.

"w-what are you talking about Ji?" I laughed nervously desperately hoping that he might be talking about something else and I was just overthinking

"why do you keep lying to me you know what I am talking about" he cried tears forming in his brown orbs slowly cascading down his chubby cheeks

"Ji please tell me, I don't know what your talking about" I asked as I reached back to hold his hand "in fact lets talk inside it's too cold out here and your going to get more sick" 

Jumping out of the car and walking over to his side of the car. The other two also hopped out the car, making eye contact with Mingyu he nodded as thy walked to the front door. This was between me and Jihan no one else. Opening the door I glanced down at my sons tiny figure bending down and picking him up I wrapped his arms around his neck and his legs around my waist. Once I made sure he was secure I shut the car door, locked it and headed inside to my son's room to place him on his bed and sitting down on the empty space besides him.

 "Ji tell me now, what have I been keeping away from you" I asked quietly as I held his hands tightly placing a kiss on his knuckles trying to calm him down

"you told me that dad had died before I was born but today in class we were learning about the top successful people in the world, the teacher had placed pictures of them on the board and we had to guess who they were and there was this one guy who everyone kept saying looked exactly like me and I looked myself and they were right" he explained looking down at our hands letting out little sniffles and wiping his nose with the back of his sleeve "he did. He looked exactly like me. I asked the teacher what the mans name was and she said he was called Joshua Hong" 

"just because he looked like you does not mean that he is your father" I said caressing his soft face as he looked at me angrily 

"why wont you tell me the truth about my father? I know it's him. Me and him look exactly the same and he has the exact same name as dad" tears of anger dripped down his face as he glared at me weakly 

"h-how did you know his name, I've never told you it before" 

"I over heard you guys talking about him when Kwanon and his fathers came over, you sounded broken when they mentioned his name and how you missed him and did not want to leave him but you had to. See I know everything so why won't you just tell me what actually happened between you two please appa" hearing my sons pleas and how desperately he wanted to know about his dad, a tear dripped down my face making him look up to me sadly before wrapping his small arms around my neck hugging me tightly as I tried hard not to cry. I needed to be strong for my son, me breaking down in front of him would traumatize him.

"Jihan... I'm sorry" I whispered burying my face into his shoulder "I just didn't want to tell you because I know that once I tell you, you would want to look for him. I just wasn't ready for that I still am not. What if when you find your dad you decide that you want to live with him instead and not me. What if he tries taking you away from me" my voice cracked as I tried calming myself down "your all I have Jihan and your all I will ever need" 

"appa what are you saying I would never leave you I love you so much" he cried as he lightly smacked my arm "don't ever think that I will leave you just because I found dad" 

"aha so you are going to look for your dad now that you know that he's still alive" pulling away I laughed trying to lighten the mood

"maybe... appa what if we do find dad would you not get together with each other again. You said you missed him so would you go back to him" he suddenly spoke as I looked down at my feet

"well baby you see there is a problem turns out your dad is really mad at me and hates me so there is no way he would be willing to get back together with me" I explained to him sadly

"you didn't answer my question though I asked would you go back to him?" he sassed as I scoffed at his bossiness

"I guess I would...but that doesn't matter now. How about you get some rest your still sick I'm going to go and make you some soup" I quickly spoke jumping up from his bed and tucking him under the covers while he made fun out of me

"your so mean to me" I stuck my tongue out as I pecked his forehead. He just laughed before kissing my cheek

"I love you appa...but it's probably not as much as how much you love dad" he laughed whispering the last part teasingly as I chucked a stuffed animal at him before walking out the room to go prepare the soup and to go and tell the two the news and how next time when we have a conversation about something really important we need to double check and make sure that there are no nosy kids around who like to listen in on important conversations. I'm glad that I have cleared things out with Jihan though and that he is aware that his father is very much alive and out there.