BROKEN VOWS (Broken Redemption Book 1)

Chapter 10

Lucas

I remember little of what happened in the days after the fire. Once I knew my parents had died, nothing else mattered but the painful truth that my sister and I were alone now. Orphans. Displaced not just from our home but from the family unit that was solely ours. The mom and dad that were gifted to us on the day of our births were gone. We belonged nowhere and to no one, and all we had left at the end of it all was each other.

It's why the little I remember of those days revolved around staying strong for Jenny. In the seven days that led up to the funeral, I threw all my efforts into making sure she was okay. Supporting her the best way I could, while reassuring her things would be okay. I tried with all my might to be her rock in the hopeless abyss of devastation that was drowning us both.

I tried.

I really fucking tried until the night of the funeral when I couldn't do it anymore. The steady ground had given way under my feet, and like a piece of fragile glass, I shattered into a million pieces. By the end of that first week, I was but a husk of my former self. Only held together by the intense rage and self-loathing that was a byproduct of my guilt. Guilt that had dug its claws deeper and deeper with every day that had passed until all the good that was left in me was gone. I had nothing left to give. To Jenny. To Embree. To myself. That self-awareness made my decision to walk away and leave them behind all the easier.

To this day, my sister doesn't know the part I played in our parent's death. She doesn't know that it was me they were trying to save when they went back into the burning inferno that used to be our home. She doesn't know that I never told them I was leaving, that all I did was leave a note on a refrigerator door that, amid smoke and chaos, they probably never saw. Instead of waking my parents to tell them I was leaving, I was in a rush to get to the bonfire to claim the girl who was never meant to be mine. Embree.

That decision took away everything I loved and ruined my sister's life by depriving her of the love, stability, and future she deserved. It's what makes facing her today that much harder. After all this time, I just can't see how she could ever forgive me for our parent's death, let alone the way I abandoned her shortly thereafter.

That's the reason I'm sitting in my truck, outside the bakery where she works, damn near hyperventilating. I'm so lost in the throes of panic that I click on Embree's name, giving little consideration to the precedent a call like this may set. A second later, the phone rings through my truck's speakers before finally, her voice comes through the line.

"Lucas?" her worry is evident. Likely because this is the first time I've called her since we exchanged numbers.

"I can't do this. I know I promised, and I swear I want to follow through. But I can't. I'm freaking the fuck out here," I blurt out between gasping breaths. The way my voice cracks at the end only adds to my shame. Fuck, I should have texted. Why didn't I just text her?

"Where are you? Do you need me to come to you?"

"Yes! No! I mean, FUCK! No! I'm a grown fucking man, not a damn child," I snap in frustration at my lack of control. "I-I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you, I just...I should be able to handle this, Emb. She's my damn sister, not an enemy combatant."

"Oh, Luc..." The compassion in her voice is meant to soothe but irritates me to no end. She shouldn't have to handle me this way. "What is it? What are you so afraid of?"

Resigned and desperate to ease the pressure in my chest, I close my eyes and let the fear spill from my lips. "That she hates me, that she'll be pissed when she sees me. That she'll tell me to fuck off and leave her alone and never come back. That she'll never forgive me for getting our parents killed, for leaving her. Christ! There are so many fucked up scenarios running through my head. I feel like I'm going to be sick." I groan, letting my head drop to the steering wheel with a loud thud.