BROKEN VOWS (Broken Redemption Book 1)

Chapter 15

Lucas

By the time I get Embree and the girls home, I'm even more on edge. Between the incident at dinner, the sad look in Jenny's eyes when I confirmed I'm leaving, and the conversation with Ben about Embree's situation, I'm growing more conflicted by the second. As if my departure isn't hard enough, the weight of what I'm leaving behind is catching up to me.

There's so much that's pulling at me to stay, including the prospect of finding new purpose in the job Ben offered. But, if experience has taught me anything is that I've got to be careful here. I can't allow those seeds of hope to take root and cloud my judgment. In the end, nothing good could come of this. Only more heartache, pain, and disappointment when invariably my life comes apart again. When the universe, in all her sadistic glory, steps in to reclaim what little happiness I may find. In my current state, I can't afford to get attached, for I don't know if I can survive losing yet another thing that matters to me.

Running a hand over my face, I curse myself for even thinking of not leaving. For letting doubt seep into what I know is the best path forward for me and them. Plus, why bother to get wrapped up in complications that have nothing to do with me? It's not like I have any control over the situation with Embree. It's not like I have anything to offer her in terms of help or support. So why the hell can't I shake this feeling that she needs me?

"Because you're in love with her." That annoying voice inside my head nags at me as if I could ever forget. Especially now that I've seen her with my own eyes. Now that I've experienced the warm softness of her body in my arms. Now that I've stared into those eyes and felt the re-awakened connection that binds me to her at a cellular level. For the first time, I want to be the man who stays. The one who protects and takes care of her. But fuck! How can I take care of her if I can't even take care of myself?

"Hey, are you okay?" She asks in a tender voice as she takes a seat on the other end of the couch. She's turned in her seat facing me, after having spent the past hour since we arrived, bathing the girls, and wrangling them off to bed. It gave me plenty of time to think and way too much time to look at the life she's built with another man.

"All good, just thinking," I answer, trying to act casual when inside, I'm a jumbled mess of twisted emotions.

Afraid she'll see through me, I avert my gaze to the light blue walls of her living room. Images of her girls at various ages adorn the walls in intricate frames, but the signature piece of the room is the collage of wedding photos hung neatly over the stone fireplace. She looks so damn happy in those pictures. So god damn beautiful, which only hammers home that I've been in love with this girl my entire life.

Though I'm glad she got her happily ever after, looking at the pictures makes my chest constrict and my gut churn. The sight of her in that beautiful white gown as she stands next to someone who isn't me tears out my heart. Instantly I despise him, but the anger and vitriol I feel towards him is nothing compared to what I feel towards myself, since I was the one who left her.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Stuff. Life. How unbelievable it is that I'm here in Ruby Creek, sitting in your house with you." I shrug my shoulders and force a smile that I hope hides the misery bleeding out from every crevice of my dark soul. "Or maybe I'm wondering how it's possible that your living room looks so much like your parent's living room. Back then, in the house where you grew up."

"I can't believe you remember that." There's a burst of wistful laughter in her voice, but I don't miss the hint of sadness that falls over her face at the memory. "I did it purposely. Dad loved colors, which is what I miss most about him. It's why when we got this place, the first thing I did was paint the walls to match how he painted our house."