BROKEN VOWS (Broken Redemption Book 1)

Chapter 19

Emilia

Following his lead, we make our way down the dirt path toward the forest canopy. The sadness and guilt in my heart weigh heavy in my chest and it takes everything I have to smile and follow along as he banters on with the girls. When they push on a few steps ahead of him, he falls back to walk by my side. The silence between us is thick and uncomfortable, and like me, he seems weighed down by his thoughts. I wonder if he's feeling the same sense of loss. The intense ache for the life that could have been.

"I was surprised to hear from you," I blurt out, hoping to break the unpleasant tension between us. "I thought you'd be on the road and gone by now." Though he says nothing, I can tell he heard me. Looking up at him as we walk side by side, I watch as his eyes remain glued to the two little girls happily walking in front of us, with Nero between them.

"The day didn't turn out as I planned," he says finally. "I met with Ben this morning. Filled him in on what we talked about. He and the team are on board if we should need them. For now, I've called in those favors I mentioned. Once I hear from my contacts, we'll know what to do next."

"Alright," is what I tell him, though I'm sure he can tell I'm anything but. "You said the day didn't turn out as planned. Aside from talking to Ben, did something else happen?" I ask, hoping to steer us away from discussing the mess that is my life.

"After meeting with Ben, it became clear I'll need to stay for a little while."

As happy as I am to hear that he'll be with us a bit longer, I cringe at the thought it might be because of me.

"I can't let you do this, Luc. I don't want to be the reason you're stuck in Ruby Creek if it's not what you want."

"Believe me. You're not."

His tone is indignant, like he's annoyed by my assumption. It really, really stings. Stupid tears burn behind my eyes and I feel so damn foolish. You'd think by now I would know better than to put myself in a position to be rejected. That after everything I've been through, I'd stop selfishly wanting to be the center of someone's world. That I'd stop yearning to be loved the way that I love? All in. With all my heart, my soul, my everything. Putting those I love above all, including myself. For once I just want someone to choose me, even just one time.

Which is why I keep getting hurt. Because I refuse to accept reality for what it is, instead falling headfirst into naïve notions and silly dreams. If Lucas didn't choose me back then when we were in love, why would I expect that he'd choose me now? Just like my husband didn't choose me when he left three years ago. The kind of love I want doesn't exist and continuing to hope for it is a recipe for continued disappointment and heartbreak.

For the next quarter-mile, we walk in silence. The girls stop now and then, Lucas helping as they pick a selection of items to add to their journey sticks while Nero looks on with curiosity. The entire way, I'm lost under a cloud of dejection. Torn between memories of my past and the depressing reality that is my present. If Lucas notices my dark mood, he says nothing about it.

"Wow," Alyssa exclaims in a loud whisper, which is when I notice where we are.

"I know, right?" Lucas moves to stand next to them while I hang back, watching. "Wait until you see inside. Your mama, Aunt Jennie, and I discovered this cave when we were a little older than you guys. We used to come here a lot. It was our safe space, where we came to hide from our troubles."

"You did?" Alyssa looks up at him, her little hand moving to hold his.

"We did. One time, we were down by the lake swimming when a storm came. The thunder was so loud it scared Aunt Jennie and your mama. We grabbed our things as fast as we could and ran to hide here in the cave. We watched the storm happen from right inside there. Everything outside was wet and wind-battered, but not us. We were dry, safe, and happy to be together." When he turns his head to look at me, I attempt a smile. Through my tear-filled eyes, I watch as he looks down at each of the girls and then says, "Want to go with me to check it out?"