She Was Wrath!

Four

Zuriel was busy tying his shoelaces. He has taught himself how to look clean and organized before leaving the house. His shirt is tucked in, his buttons are all closed and when one is missing, he knows how to sew it, his shoes are polished and his trouser is pressed. He is allergic to nuts and the only way I make sure that he doesn't eat anything that contains nuts is by packing his lunch. He knows about his allergies and can't risk taking anything with nuts.

Today I am driving him to school. I feared that he might have trouble with creating friends in the new school but funny enough that was different. The first day he already had a friend and he couldn't stop speaking about her.

"Mum?" He calls and I turn to look in his direction before returning my gaze quickly to the road.

"Yeah, baby?" I reply.

I don't know what he wants to ask this time around.

Zuriel never asks for anything unless it's important. It can't be school stationery because I have bought extra ones and he knows where to get them. It can't be clothes, the only way to get clothes is when we are out shopping but we are in the car.

There was a little traffic so I turned my gaze at him when he didn't reply immediately.

"Zuriel, is everything okay?" I asked.

He looked distant and I was worried. Why is he acting this way, he was chubby this morning and wanted to come to school quickly.

"Yeah," he sighed then went ahead to look at me, " I was wondering if I will be allowed to attend my friend's birthday party?" He asks.

"No!"

That word left my mouth quickly before I could even think about it.

I now understand why he was hesitant to ask about it. I can't let him go to any play dates, parties, or anything related to it. I don't know who is watching and is ready to do any harm to my baby.

As much as it hurts me, I am trying my best to keep him safe.

For how long though?

How long will I keep him hidden because of something that happened seven years ago?

I still don't want to bring myself to do a DNA test to know who is his father. The fear of picking up his hair and starting a generational tree to identify his father is painful.

The result might be heart-crushing. As much as I try to hold down and push away the idea, the more it becomes a burden but right now, that is not important like keeping him safe.

He frowns, his bangs falling all over his face and he slouches on the seat. The traffic lessens and I start driving again.

"Zuri, I am sorry baby, but I can't just let you go to a party alone," I said.

We all know that is bulshit. If it's a friend's birthday, parents will be asked to attend or asked to ask for approval. He can go with Liam or Zach but I don't see myself letting him go.

I waited for his response, but he didn't give me any. I feel tears in the beams of my eyes and I don't want this feeling. The feeling that I am denying him things that he should be enjoying.