𝘚𝘈𝘛𝘖𝘚𝘜𝘎𝘜 𝘖𝘕𝘌𝘚𝘏𝘖𝘛𝘚

𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵

𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵/𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧
__________

it was midnight, and satoru was sitting on the roof of the school. he went there often, it helped clear his head at times.

he heard someone behind him and turned around, being greeted by the sight of his friend.

"hey" suguru sat down beside him, smiling softly at him.

"hey" he replied back.

"what are you doing here?" suguru asked.

"i could ask you the same question" satoru chuckled slightly.

suguru laughed quietly. "can't sleep" he said.

"you seem to never be able to sleep lately" satoru told him, not making eye contact.

suguru was taken aback, but tried to shrug it off.

"i always see you awake, and every time i ask you, it's the same response"

suguru, again, tried to not think too much about it. he wasn't really in the mood to talk about this right
now. he was just tired, as he had been for the last couple months.

it was true though. he was never able to sleep much these past months. there had just been so much on his mind lately that sleep seemed like it wasn't something he knew how to do anymore.

so many sleepless nights he had gone through, alone, being consumed by the loudness of his thoughts.

"and those eye bags of yours don't help either" satoru said.

suguru didn't say anything, he just kept on looking at the moon that shined bright in the dark, night sky.

satoru looked at him, waiting for a response he knew would never come, but hoped for it anyway.

he moved closer to him, shoulders almost touching.

he stared at him, thinking about what to say to him.

should he ask if he was okay? which of course he was not, he knew that. but he wanted suguru to tell him directly. he wanted to hear suguru tell him how he was feeling, what he was thinking. even though he wasn't going to.

he just hoped he would, hoped with every part of his heart and soul. hoped that suguru would open up to him, just like satoru had done many times before.

"are you okay?"

instead of a response, he was met with silence, an unbearable one. it was cut short though, since words escaped suguru's mouth.

"i'm fine"

satoru felt how his heart sunk. in a way, it hurt him, it hurt him to hear that. it hurt to hear how broken suguru's voice sounded while saying those words. he wasn't fine, he wasn't fine at all.

he wanted him to tell him what was wrong, he had been trying for who knows how long now. but, he knew suguru wasn't one to open up as easily, which is why he always decided to let it be and not push him.

he rested his head on his shoulder as a way to silently comfort him. comfort him without words, instead, comfort him through small gestures like these.

suguru turned to see satoru's head resting on his shoulder, and smiled. satoru was always able to get these soft reactions out of him. suguru never failed to smile whenever he was around him. he was the star that shined bright in the darkness of his mind. one that saved him from going off the edge every day.

he leaned in and placed a small kiss on his head. satoru's eyes widened in shock. this was the first time they had a moment like this.

suguru smiled and turned his head back to the sky.

satoru lifted his head off of his shoulder and looked at him, thinking about his next move. thinking about whether if he should take his chances or not.

he decided to risk it. he put his hand on suguru's cheek and turned his head so they would meet eye to eye.

suguru was confused, not knowing satoru's intentions. he had an idea though, one that seemed crazy to him. it was about the possibility that this might be it, the time they kiss.

it was something he had wanted for a long time. he had considered taking the chance many times before, but he always backed down. and always ended up regretting it.

"can i...?" satoru muttered so low it was barely hearable, but suguru was able to understand him and nodded his head slightly.

satoru leaned in and closed the gap, putting their lips together in a sweet kiss.

suguru felt at ease, for once in months. he felt calm and relaxed. his constant train of thoughts had stopped for this one moment. everything felt quiet, finally quiet.

the quiet was soon interrupted by guilt and regret. suguru was now regretting this, regretting in accepting this kiss. he knew he wasn't going to be here for much longer, he was almost certain he wasn't going to make it all the way to graduation. he knew that.

he knew that at some point, he might have to leave the school, which meant leaving him. leaving the boy that was kissing him so passionately at this very moment.

now that they had done this, what would happen next? that's what he wondered. would they become a thing? or would they simply leave this as a one time thing and forget it ever happened? either way, now that this occurred, it was more likely that, if suguru was ever to leave, it would hurt satoru even more. it would also hurt him worse as well.

he tried to ignore the possible future and focused on the present. focused on what was happening right now, which was that satoru gojo, suguru's one and only best friend, was now kissing him in the sweetest way possible, and he was taking in every part of it.

satoru pulled away, parting their lips. suguru smiled brightly like never before. satoru also smiled, smiled at the fact that he was, for the first time in months, seeing a genuine smile form on his face.

satoru pulled suguru in for a hug. suguru melted in his warm embrace, taking it all in. he hugged back, burying his face into the crook of satoru's neck.

suguru could feel how tears were trying to escape his eyes. he held them in, which turned out successful. but the feeling was still there. he felt happy, but also miserable, just like he had been for weeks on end.

he still couldn't let go of the thought of having to leave satoru. he did what he could to stop thinking about it, but it was a constant present thing on his mind.

his once cheerful soul was now filled with regret.

'i should've pulled away'

"i love you"

those words cut through suguru's chest like a dagger. he didn't know how to go on with this. he wasn't cut out for this type of commitment, not in this state.

but there was nothing he could do now. he let his feelings take over instead of having to deal with this constant battle of thoughts.

"i love you too, satoru"

those words were the cruelest thing he could've ever said to him.

those words would be a curse they would have to bear in the coming years.

a curse so painful it could probably end one of them.

__________

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘥 <3

𝘢/𝘯: 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦