𝘚𝘈𝘛𝘖𝘚𝘜𝘎𝘜 𝘖𝘕𝘌𝘚𝘏𝘖𝘛𝘚

𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯

𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵
𝘶 𝘨𝘶𝘺𝘴 𝘳 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘪 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦
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satoru got to his room back at the school. after treating his students and getting things done, he sat down to rest.

he couldn't stop thinking about what had happened a couple hours ago.

the killing of suguru geto, his one and only.

he couldn't stop thinking about it, even if he wanted to. he had to kill him with his own hands, he had to see him in his final moments, and hear his last words.

"at least curse me a little at the very end"

that phrase couldn't get out of his head. it was lingering in every corner of his mind.

"why did you want that? what did you mean by that, suguru...?" his voice started to break as tears began to come out of his eyes, non-stop.

he started to cry and cry, cry like never before. he hadn't experienced this type of pain in a long time now, not since suguru had left him.

it had shattered him completely that day, and now with him gone indefinitely, he felt how every last piece of him shattered to his core.

he couldn't stop crying. he felt as if he couldn't breathe, it became almost impossible through his sobs. his chest had a stinging pain that was becoming unbearable. his head was banging from how hard his crying was.

"why... why did you do that... WHY" he started to scream now. he couldn't contain it any longer. it didn't matter to him if others could hear him anymore. his mind was clouded from his constant running thoughts about this.

his mind flashed back to their younger days, the one where they were together. the days in which he was happy.

it pained him even more, worse than ever before. it was awful, absolutely destroying.

"why did you leave me..? we were happy. WE WERE HAPPY" he yelled through sobs. his voice was even audible at this point from how broken it was.

he wanted to scream. scream as loud as he could. scream and get rid of the pain. he wanted it to end.

"WHY SUGURU WHY?.... WHY DID YOU LET ME KILL YOU? WHY DID YOU...? why did you..."

he couldn't do it anymore. he was at the edge of his mental capacity. he couldn't be without him. he needed him by his side. he was the only one who understood him and loved him for who he was. he loved him just as satoru gojo, not the strongest, no... just as satoru gojo, his best friend, his one and only.

he couldn't bear the burden of the fact that he killed him with his own hands. he'd rather get rid of them and everything if it would stop him from remembering that horrible moment.

every time he closed his eyes he was transported back there, back to that alley way behind the school. he remembered his face and the soft smile he had. how he held on to the missing part of his arm in pain, and how he looked at him so dearly when he was on his death bed.

he had wiped away his tears with his hand, caressing his cheek in such a sweet manner that killed him inside. it was miserable how happy he looked when he was nearing his end. it was like he was glad with how things had turned out for him, that's how satoru interpreted it in the moment.

when he murdered suguru, it killed him two. they both died. together they died. when suguru's body went limp satoru felt how his soul lost its essence. how it became empty and hollow, like he had no more life left in him, just like the man in front of him.

it broke him even more just thinking about that. he couldn't bear it. he couldn't anymore.

"please come back... come back to me, suguru please..." he silently begged for this impossible wish. he had to come to terms with the idea that he is never going to see him again.

he will never see his face again. his smile, his beautiful purple eyes, the way his hair flew in the breeze of the cooler nights, how he laughed at his stupid jokes and comments, and him saying his name again.

he will never hear that sweet "satoru!" come out of his mouth ever again. never.

he continued to cry away his pains for the rest of the morning.

he thought about how he had to get rid of the body. he didn't want to, he physically couldn't. he didn't have the strength to dispose of his body. all the strength he had left was just... gone. not there anymore. it got lost in the events of the morning dawn.

he continued to break down with the memories of their lost time together, of the past years, of their relationship together.

it was hard to keep it in. he didn't know how he was going to deal with this in the coming years. he didn't think he was capable of doing it. it seemed impossible to him. out of reach, never to be reached even if he tried to.

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the end <3

a/n: i saw a post about gojo's va saying that gojo had multiple breakdowns after killing geto so thats how this oneshot came to fruition