Five Years

5

Another long flight back but soon there would be another flight to my sister's wedding. I couldn't wait! A few months later I was sent an invite and the itinerary for the wedding. Before I knew it I had taken time off and was packing for a wedding in Italy. Italy! Hooray! Rich parents and boyfriend- excuse me, fiance, are becoming more and more of an appealing thing. I was starting to understand why Abby liked it, hello luxury. It was a long flight which was so not enjoyable but soon it was finally over. I made sure I had no coffee and a full stomach so I could sleep the whole time. For the hours I was awake, I made myself answer some work emails but I also read, wrote, and watched two very nice movies. I got out of the airport prepared to get a cab but when I walked out I saw Abby.

"Hey, was the flight good?" Abby asked as she approached me.

"It was good, I slept most of the way. How's the wife to be?" I asked.

I put my bag in the back of the car and got in the back with Abby.

"Nervous. Really nervous but also really excited." She answered.

"Mari... how are you feeling?" She asked cautiously.

I was going to see James. James was going to be there and I was starting to freak out. Five years. I hadn't seen him in five years. I have and am harboring a lot of angry feelings and never got to say any of them to him.

"I will be fine. I'm just going to see him, it's not like I'm going to talk to him or anything." I answered. I did not want her worrying about me, about us. She's getting married, this needs to be the last thing on her mind.

"But you'll be around him. A lot." Abby pushed.

"I'm good Abby and everything will be fine. Do not worry about it, please." I push back. I want her to be reassured.

We get to the hotel and everyone is there. Almost. Three people were missing, James, Anut K, and Josh. I said hi to my family before I made my way to James' family. I said hi to some aunts and uncles, cousins and nieces before I said hi to his parents. I missed James' parents, I will admit that. I had been kinda avoiding them all these years. It just kinda hurt but seeing them in person made me regret it. I missed them, I missed his mom. I hugged both of them tightly.

"I'm sorry." I said immediately.

"Oh, dear it is okay." Miss Hart said (Aka Gabriella).

"Just maybe don't do it again." Mr. Hart said (Aka William).

"Will do." I said with a smile.

Aunt K had made her way to the hotel and said hi to everyone. After she made her rounds she pulled me aside.

"How are you feeling? I did not see him at the airport." Aunt K asked quietly.

"I am just fine." I answered her. She did not believe me one bit and she showed it unlike Abby (who, I am glad) let me try and convince myself to believe it.

"It's just seeing him. I will put distance between us and just not talk to him." I tried. She just kept looking at me. "Aunt K, I am not going to do anything to ruin or possibly ruin this wedding which meant there was no way I was going to interact with him." She finally changed her expression to more understanding and worry.

We joined the others. We were all enjoying each other's company and before I knew it, I had stopped looking at the door every two seconds. Abby walked up to me with a hidden worry plastered all over her face.

"He's close to the hotel." She said in my ear.

It took me a minute to register what she meant but when I did, I just nodded. I was trying to push myself into a conversation with anyone to try and put it aside but failed. Instead I tried to figure out what I would do. I could ignore him, pull him aside, make snide remarks, etc, the list is endless. Before I knew it everyone had turned their attention to the door and were saying hi to Josh and... James. Abby stood by my side, only waving at them. Aunt K slowly moved closer to me. I wanted to tell them I was fine but I couldn't. I had made eye contact with James and we both were quiet. We just stared at each other, I was praying that he was going to make the first move but at the same time I wanted to. I didn't know what to do but that didn't matter because I was frozen. I was so angry, sad, confused, and frustrated, all at the same time. I felt more and more eyes growing on me but neither one of us moved. There was so much I wanted to say, and I couldn't. I was frozen and on the verge of a panic attack. Very, very few things cause a panic attack in me and he had become one of them the year he left. I could feel my hand starting to shake beside my thigh. Stop looking at me! All of you, stop looking! Stop staring and James for crying out loud, do something! I had stopped breathing the second I heard his name being said and now my lungs were starting to require it. My heart was pounding so fast and I couldn't do anything. This is pathetic. I'm pathetic. Finally he made a move. He smiled. A smile?I finally can do something. All I could do was smile back, is that really it? He turned to his parents and gave them a hug. Good. Eyes were slowly being taken off of me but I kept my eyes on him. Both Abby and Aunt K moved to be in front of me. Abby was blocking James, thank the Lord