Nobody needs me.
You're one less empty place in this hole of a world. A headache waiting to drown.
The anxiety seeps in and the rage leaves a mark on my neck. I can't think. I wanna leave. I wanna get up and never come back.
What good am I?
Honestly.
Friday screwed me over. My throat feels stuck with tears waiting to seep through the cracks. I hate everything. But you're a failure. An embarrassment. A ball of energy who does nothing but disappoint.
Why do I try? The more I try to care the more things seem to screw me over and my stomach twists in a knot. Wow. You really did fuck up. Why do you care so much, though? You don't care, you never cared. You do care though, right?
But you don't.
Don't lie to yourself.
Am I, though?
I really do hate it.
I hate it all.
I'm useless.
But you're not.
You always overthink and lie to yourself.
You'll always be a seat more to somebody's joy.
They're all lying to me.
No, they're not.
But some people screwed me over.
Nah, they didn't.
They did, though.
I wanna quit
I'm cold
I feel stuck in a hole
I'm useless, Lyla.
I'm useless.
What is an apology worth, though?
There's nothing to be sorry for.
You're a pest.
You're nothing but an annoyance to the world.
Write an apology letter and leave.
Should I?
Yeah.
It's stupid though.
Does it?
Yeah.
It feels stupid.
It feels like absolute dog shit.
I hate her.
I hate her.
I hate her.
I hate...her.
Is she really the source of all this?
Am I really that annoying?
Sometimes I learn to hate my personality.
Sometimes I take it too far, right?
I'm sorry.
I'm so so so sorry
I'm really sorry.
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
Please I'm sorry
I'm sorry.
I should've never existed
Maybe being everyone's friend was a mistake.
I don't deserve anyone.
I'm sorry.
Should I have just kept suffocating?
Maybe they would have peace.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for everything.
•
For some reason, as fucked up as it is, it seems beautifully poetic—in a fucked up way of course.
