Happiness is only a temporary phenomenon that those who try to reach for the stars want to grasp as a permanent moon in their sky. I would be one of those hopeful astronauts. As I float around the sun trying to comprehend the bipolarity of my own thoughts, I switch between the contemplation of my relayed obsession with simultaneously dying and living.
Sometimes I want to watch the sun rise, but I want to see the moon fall and wonder if the skies would cry if death reached its cold hand out. Maybe life isn't so bad? There are the moments where I hear a tune and suddenly the air goes bittersweet. I question my own importance, yet it feigns naught when those I jest with occupy the empty seconds.
I have this urge to always say goodbye yet never have my vision go black. To when the song bats my eyes and suddenly I want to write the most bittersweet, acidulous and saccharine love story to ever drip down the honey jar. Sometimes I just write until my thoughts go bleak, and my creativity no more.
But I wonder. Would those I cherish most weep at my self-demise? That is the question proposed every year just before the long clock slowly strikes the hour. Yet, I keep telling myself the hand won't make it each year—though I know I might just survive.
"I love you," three words that have become meaningless to me in the sense they're all I can repeat when my smile melts. Knowing the bottle won't hit the floor, they're an empty threat that I convey in truthiness, but in the bittersweetness of it. "Thank you," two words I will always beat from my heart—but equally an empty threat.
I know I'll never really fall from the cliff, but sometimes I want to let go of the edge. I fantasize seeing the light in renewal, and watching the stars from fresh eyes. Despite the cold air grasping my skin, the refreshen of night will never quench the imbalance in my brain that has me permanently vying to reach the stars.
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Yeah, still in the live-or-die phase in this one. Title was most definitely inspired by a song. This was also about how it was hard to really grasp the love people provided me.
