peeta mellark ༄

11. why didn't you stop me?

lyrics why didn't you stop me by mitski

peeta watched you leave, a million words bubbling in his throat. he just watched.

when the trees finally concealed you and he was alone in the darkness, the anger from before came back. grinding his teeth together, he kicked the rabbit he had shown you moments before, watching as dust settled in its fur. peeta dropped to the ground, resting his arms on his propped knees and holding his head down. in that moment, he hated you.

he felt many things. sad, dejected, angry, doubtful. guilty.

how could he let you leave? part of him wanted to get up and chase you, but peeta knew it was more than that. he couldn't take back what he said. despite your indifference toward him, he still ached for your attention. how could that be? maybe it was how kind you were to him before. before what? before you were both dropped down here. he rubbed his face in his hands. he wished he could take back what he had just said. he had never let his tongue slip like that. why did it have to be around you? the one person he found the heart to care about in his situation. despite how much it felt like you were taking from him, he would keep on giving to you.

he shook his head. he had to find you. you couldn't have gone that far. but it was dark now. peeta would have to hurry if he wanted to make sure you were safe. silently, he hooked his backpack over his shoulder, picking up the things you had left in your hasty exit. crawling out of the  cave, he concealed it with the underbrush and looked to the sky. the first stars were starting to twinkle. peeta looked straight again and began his march.

_____

you leaned against a tree, catching your breath. your legs quickly gave out as you slid down to the ground, resting your arms on your knees as you breathed heavily. i don't know if I've ever been this exhausted.

a twig snapping broke you out of your thoughts. quickly, you stood, reaching for the knife in your back pocket of your pants and holding it out defensively.

you scanned the trees, watching for any movement. there was nothing. turning around, you began to walk again, the hair on your neck rising. someone was there, and they were following you. picking up your pace, you dodged tree roots and hidden rocks lodged in the dirt, trying to be as quick and quiet as possible. 

for a moment, you were transported back to your younger days in the district, prancing around carelessly with your father trying to find your next meal. he would scold you as you followed behind him, stepping on the twigs he was so gracefully able to avoid. if he saw the way you hobbled now, he would have turned in his grave.

yet, you knew you were faster and quieter than whoever was following you. you learned to hear everything in the arena. 

another twig snapped.

you whipped around, teeth bared like a wild animal. "i know you're there, pea-brain!" you barked.

within the split second you blinked, thresh was there, winding his arm back and throwing it forward. there was a sickening crunch as his knuckles cracked on your face, and you fell backwards, hitting your tailbone on a jutting rock. you groaned, holding the eye he hit you in and feeling the hot rush of pain. he gave you no time to whine, within moments the man three times your size was straddling you, grabbing you by the collar and shaking with blind rage. eyes wide and vengeful, he spat in your face as he talked.

"take from me? after what i did for you?" he rasped. gripping your jacket tight, he jerked you forward, close enough that you could feel your nose brush his for a millisecond before he hurled you forward with his weight and bashed your backside on the ground. you gave a deafening cry, not being able to stop the tears that followed as thresh beat you ruthlessly into the ground. your apologies were jumbled and lost in your screams of pain. "rue is dead because of you!" thresh bellowed emotionally. you gripped his forearms, his jacket sleeves rolled up. you could feel the blood dried on his arms. thresh was crying. you dug your nails into him, begging him to stop. 

he paused for a moment, the life returning to his eyes. he brought you forward, his hands trembling as he stared you down, face to face. "you took from me after i helped you. then you took rue. this is me getting even," he vowed. 

there was a sound of something like sticking a stick in the mud, and thresh grunted. letting go of you, he reached behind his head and pulled out a knife, wedged deep in the back of his neck. you watched as he looked at you before his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he collapsed onto you. you screeched, pushing him off of you and scrambling back, eyes wide as you snapped your head up to see who was there. 

clove threw her arm back, her eyes narrowed as she circled in on her next target. you rolled out of the way before her throwing knife was able to plant a lethal spot in your head. focusing back on clove, she was getting closer as she ran.

quickly, you grabbed the knife and sliced the girl in the knee. she cried in more surprise than pain, as the wound was not deep enough to hinder her walking, but it gave you enough time to be up on your feet again. grunting, you tucked in a fist and punched clove in the face. she held her nose, blood spurting. in that short window of time before she would attack you again, you heartlessly kicked the gash in her knee.

she doubled forward, and you turned heel and ran. you would not win this fight. not in your state. you ran the opposite direction.

"peeta!" you shouted. 

"peeta, please!"

weight was thrown onto your back, and you were down, feeling the bruises pulse in agony. turning over, you grabbed clove's arms with both hands before she was able to plant a knife in your skull. 

"think you're smarter than all of us? huh?" she was hissing with a devilish grin. "being smarter won't save you now. no one's gonna save you, little girl," she was laughing in your face. "just like no one saved your friend." 

you spat in her face. she jerked backwards, surprising you. trying to push her off, you weren't fast enough to avoid her slicing you in the face with an enraged scream. you shouted, wriggling from under her and dragging yourself back, ruthlessly kicking clove in the face before she could stab you in the leg. she shrieked, dropping the knife coated in your blood in the dirt as she reached to grab her bleeding face. not thinking. you got on your knees to grab the knife, bringing your arm to the side and slitting clove's throat.

she collapsed on her side, trying to speak as her eyes darted around wildly, before settling on you. no words came out, the blood choking her. she outstretched her arm as if asking for your help before the blood bubbled in her mouth and the life left her eyes.

you dropped the knife, horrified. you made a sound in the back of your throat, your mouth opening as you let out a guttural cry. you curled into a ball, rocking yourself as pain and your sobs wracked your body. clove stared lifelessly at you. blood and swelling clouded your vision. you couldn't make out peeta running towards you. 

he stopped in his tracks, taking in the scene before him with a horrified expression. clove, dead with blood pooling around a gash in her neck. the sound of a canon going off. the second one today. he thought the first was you, but here you were, crying and holding your head in your hands. 

peeta took a step back, shaking his head as his heart pounded out of his chest. he ran his hands through his hair, trying to put the pieces together in his mind. he stepped forward again, getting closer before dropping on his knees next to you. he called your name, and a violent tremor wracked your body before you realized it was him. when you could make out peeta's horrified expression with your limited vision, you sobbed, the energy leaving your body. you collapsed, and he caught you, wrapping his arms around you and gripping your shoulder as if he would never let go. your head rested in the crook of his neck, your arms laying limp at your sides. he was holding you up, rocking you like a child. "you're okay, you're okay."

your cries were pained, and with shaking hands he touched the wound right above your eye, through the brow, feeling the blood still wet. he held you tighter.

"i'm so sorry," you were crying. you lifted an arm, gripping the hand he had on your shoulder. "peeta. why didn't you come after me? why didn't you stop me?"

"i don't know," he said breathlessly as you trembled against him. your head fell against his chest and you were quiet once more, passed out.