Alpha Queen [1]

xxxviii

Iris arrived the next day. She was wearing all black with her white blonde hair tied back in a complicated braid.

She bowed her head when I greeted her at the door and she followed me up the staircase. When I talked to her on the phone yesterday, I told her that I had news which was critically important to share with her. She had no idea what I was about to say.

We entered the master bedroom and immediately closed the door. Fortunately, Ares was off hunting and wouldn't be back for the rest of the morning. It would be just enough time to talk it through before I told him.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice." I sat down on the perfectly made bed while Iris preferred to stand. "It's good to see you again."

"You're lucky my mate didn't dig any deeper."

"What did you tell Dallas?" Mates couldn't lie to each other. They could avoid the truth but when asked a question point-blank, it was impossible.

"I didn't tell him anything. He thinks it has something to do with Troy."

"Oh. Good." I said quietly.

"I'm lying to my mate for you so this better be good." There was the icy Iris that I knew.

"I don't know if it's good or bad," I swallowed nervously and stared at my hands. There was no easy way to say it so I just ripped it off like a bandaid. "Soren says I'm pregnant."

Iris didn't visibly react.

"Who else knows?" She stared at me with her siren eyes.

"Just you and Soren."

She was silent for a minute.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

"How far along are you?"

"I don't know, a couple of weeks? Maybe more?"

"And you're telling me this because. . . ?"

Because I couldn't go to anyone else. My parents would kill me before I even finished telling them and then they would kill Ares. My friends were miles away from me and in a completely different place in their lives. They had enough problems to sort out, I didn't want to add to the pile. And if I told Blake or Marvel or anyone else in the pack the news would spread like wildfire and most certainly reach Ares before I could tell him.

"Because I—I need your help. Because I feel so alone in all of this and I just. . . need a friend." My voice was cracking. I was on the verge of breaking down.

She gave a curt nod and surprised me a little when she sat down on the bed next to me. Even in the heart of summer, her skin was distinctly pale.

"Let me ask you a question," Iris said slowly, "Do you want to have this baby?"

That was the million dollar question constantly running through my mind.

"I don't know," I buried my face in my hands and released a shaky exhale. "I mean, I know that I want to have a kid or two but I always thought I'd be at least twenty-six or twenty-seven when that happened. I thought I'd have more time."

Life wasn't following my plan. After everything I'd been through, I thought that at least I could control when we would start a family.

It was like crashing into a brick wall.

"But this baby. Do you want this one?"

That sent me spiraling down a black hole.

My first instinct was to say no because there was no way that I was ready to be a mother. I could barely take care of myself sometimes, how could I take care of something as huge as a baby?

And that didn't even cover what my parents would think. I knew exactly what they were going to say if they found out. They were still getting used to the drastic change of me living with werewolves, they would explode if they knew right now. It would just fray our relationship even more.

Yet the more I thought about it, the more the idea didn't scare me as much. People had babies all of the time, many of them single mothers or fathers, and they made it work. Ares and I would figure it out together.

Right?

"I don't know." I gave up.

"It's hard to go through it alone. It would be easier if you told Ares."

"I will. Soon. I just have to figure this out by myself first. I don't want to scare him." I wrapped my arms around my shoulders and hugged myself. I'd been up all night thinking about it.

Iris was right of course. Ares would know what to do. He always did.

"What would you do if you were me?" I asked as I was genuinely very curious. She was only two years older than me so maybe she could relate.

"You don't want to hear the answer."

"No, I do. Please." I was nearly begging. "Don't spare my feelings." If I had asked any other wolf in the pack they would congratulate me and tell me nice little things that they were expected to say. But I wanted the no bullshit response. It was a little too late for that anyway.

"A child should have parents who truly want them. There is nothing worse than having a child think that they were a mistake or to have them think that they got in the way of their parents' lives. You have to be prepared to love this child and make sacrifices for them that you may not be ready to make. It won't just be you and Ares—it will always be you, Ares and this child that you share. It will change everything and it will change nothing."

I was stuck on the last part that she said.

How could it change everything and change nothing at the same time?

There was a knock at the door and Ares walked in with the elements all over him. His shirt was dirty and his hair was messy from the wind.

I stiffened but kept a smile on my face. Had he heard what we were just talking about?

"I thought you were out hunting."

"I was until Blake and I killed a two hundred pound buck. We had to bring it back." His eyes drifted to Iris. "Good seeing you, Iris. What brings you here?"

Iris looked at me as if to ask what she should tell him.

"She's helping me," I filled in the silence, "I wanted her opinion on something."

Ares didn't like being left out but didn't pry.

"Do you know what you have to do?" She asked me.

"I do."

"Then I think it's time for me to go back to my own pack." She stood up and showed herself out. "Good luck, Alex."

When she was gone, Ares took her spot.

"What was that about?"

"Nothing." I blurted at first. Then my anxiety started to consume me and I couldn't keep it a secret from him any longer. I was sure he could sense it through the bond. "Actually. . ."

He interlaced our hands, "What is it?"

"Actually, I have something important that I have to tell you." I said to test the waters. I turned my body towards him and lifted my eyes to meet his. "I'm pregnant."