Alpha Queen [1]

xl

The nausea was relentless. One minute I was completely fine and the next being hit with so much vertigo that I thought I was going to fall through the floor. I couldn't keep anything down but bread. My insides were all twisted up.

I couldn't sleep either. Often during the night I would wake up two or three times and it would take another hour to fall back to sleep. I was having very strange dreams, some so strong that I couldn't tell what was real and what was not until I woke up. When I tried to remember them, they were gone.

"I surmise that you are six weeks pregnant. Perhaps even seven weeks." Soren said after he assessed me. My heart dropped to my stomach—my very sick and bloated stomach.

"Is everything, you know, okay?" I couldn't help but be nervous.

"Yes, you and the fetus are perfectly healthy."

An intrusive thought crossed my mind and I felt so ashamed. Why did I secretly want a miscarriage to take all of my problems away? What was wrong with me?

"That's great." I swallowed and looked at my feet.

Soren read my disappointment easily.

"It becomes increasingly difficult to end the pregnancy after six weeks."

"Which means I have to decide if I should keep it or not."

He nodded. "If you need anything, when you need anything, I will be here. I will always be here to listen and help you through this." Soren said and I hesitated.

"Soren. . . can I ask you something?"

"Of course you can,"

"I know healers can't have mates or children but was there ever a time when you wished that you could have them?"

Soren's face changed but only for a second.

"Once. . . before I discovered the power of my healer's gift. . . yes, I thought of a different path for myself." A small smile made his way onto his face. "I was in love with a young woman from our pack. She was selfless, compassionate, and most of all a pure soul. She was kind to everyone, even the rogues in our prisons. She brought them food and water everyday and called them by their names. She was a woman like no other I had met before and when she smiled, well, there wasn't anything I wouldn't do to keep her happy." Soren recalled. "I imagined a future with her that included possible children and I was tempted to break my healer's vow so I could be with her."

He paused for a minute as if he'd forgotten that he was telling a story.

"What happened?" I asked but I got the feeling it wasn't a good ending.

"She found her mate and left our pack. I never saw her again."

My heart broke for him. Imagine thinking you found the love of your life and they find someone else. . .

"I'm sorry. That must have been so abrupt for you."

"It was the only time when I doubted the Moon Goddess. I wondered, why was I not afforded the same happiness as everyone else? Why did I have to be alone. I struggled with that for years." He admitted but then lifted his head and his energy changed. "But this was always my path. The Moon Goddess blessed me with my gifts and I have accepted that responsibility, no matter how burdensome."

"Yes, you do an excellent job taking care of us. No one could replace you." Not only was he our healer, but he also gave wise advice. It seemed he always knew what to do.

"Thank you for saying so." He bowed his head.

"Soren. . . I value your opinion very much. You always seem to know the answer to everything so I have to ask, do you think I should keep it?"