Alpha Queen [1]

xxxix

He didn't move after I confessed the biggest secret of my entire life. It didn't even look like he was breathing.

Could werewolves go into shock? Was that even possible?

"Ares?" I asked gently as if not to startle him. "Did you hear what I said?"

His eyes were deadly still until he finally looked at me.

"Yes."

Then say something, I wanted to scream. Say something so I won't lose my mind.

But Ares stayed silent and I immediately felt the urge to word vomit.

"I went to Soren yesterday, you know, because I was feeling car sick, and he wanted to figure out why I was feeling off so he asked me a bunch of questions and then. . . he asked me when the last time I had my period was and I told him it had been more than a month, which is a bit weird for me since it's never late, so it didn't take long for him to put two and two together." I explained all in one breath.

We hadn't used protection because we were in the heat of the moment. I knew biologically there was only a very short time period in which I could get pregnant and I figured what were the odds of that when it was my first time? Plus werewolves didn't believe in contraception like humans did.

I should've known better.

Ares abruptly stood up and headed out the door.

"Where are you going?" I followed him despite being consumed in my insanely anxious state. I needed to know what he was thinking.

He rushed into the hallway and was almost at the stairs when he stopped. He was breathing heavily and his hands were in fists.

"You're mad." I said in a small voice. At least he'd snapped from his initial shock. "I'm sorry, I know I messed up. . ."

No more words came.

I wanted to take it back. It was a moment of weakness which could've been avoided if we were more careful but it was ruined and nothing could fix what had been done.

Ares grabbed my hand and pulled me in for a long, passionate kiss.

I was insanely confused. I broke the kiss and moved back so I could see his face. He was smiling.

"Of course I'm not mad."

"What?" I blurted. "Why not?"

"Why on Earth would I be mad at you?"

"Because you just stormed out of the room without saying anything."

"I had to confirm with Soren through the mind-link." He caressed my cheek and looked into my eyes, "He says you're five weeks pregnant."

Five weeks already?

"He's right." I wanted to cry.

"I thought your scent was a bit off but I assumed it was coming from Iris. How I could miss my own mate being pregnant I don't know."

He wrapped me in his arms then led us back into our room. He ran his fingers through my hair and kissed my lips again.

"Thank you for telling me, Alex. I know you're nervous for the future but I promise I will always be here to support you. Whatever you need I will give you and more. We can do everything at your pace, we can even make the announcement later when you are ready. And when our child comes, I will devote my full attention to him or her."

My heart skipped a beat.

The way he was talking. . . it was everything I could ask for. . . but not what I wanted.

"We should talk about that." I swallowed nervously.

"Yes, I can make the announcement myself if you wish. We should also discuss potentially moving Soren closer to our room so he can help within a minute's notice. There's also a matter of cutting your duties, I don't want you overexerting yourself or hurting yourself during daily training either." He went on but he wasn't understanding me.

"No, not about that," I tried to speak as gently as possible, "We should talk about. . . keeping it or not."

"You don't know if you want to keep our baby or not?"

The hurt in his voice was so painful it was like taking a knife to the heart.

I touched the side of his face.

"It's not that I don't want kids with you because I do, but we're so young, Ares. I'm eighteen, I'll be a teen mom, I'll be a child taking care of another child," I couldn't help but laugh, "I'll be alone."

But Ares was deadly serious.

"You won't be alone. You'll have me. You'll have the pack."

Was that enough?

I knew nothing about raising a baby and Ares probably had limited knowledge. That didn't really make us ready for this now did it.

"Not to mention you'll have your family and friends once you tell them." He grasped my hands tightly in his own. Was he afraid that if he let go I wouldn't agree with him?

The last time I talked with my parents, my mom was saying how they regretted giving me up to Ares so soon. If I told them I was pregnant of all things their world may very well explode. They would definitely blame Ares, that was for sure.

I thought of calling my friends but they were busy dealing with their own lives. Besides, if I told them they might tell my parents and I didn't want them to find out that way.

"You're happy, you're healthy, you have hundreds of people caring for you and supporting you—I love you and you love me—doesn't it feel right?"

It almost seemed like he was pressuring me to agree with him. Why couldn't he understand me and feel what I felt?

"I just. . . I don't know, I just don't think I'm ready." It was a lame response but it was the best I could muster.

"It's more than that, isn't it?" He could tell something was off. "You regret what you could have done with your human life. You don't have to object, I know you do, even if it's just a little bit." He didn't say it with malice. But he no longer glowed with happiness.

"I mean once we have a baby it changes everything. We won't be able to travel as much or do things that we want to do on short notice." It hurt to say that but it was the truth. I wasn't ready for a commitment that big. "I like our life the way it is." Was I being too selfish? Too heartless? "I'll. . . I'll think about it." I finally concluded, hoping it wouldn't cause a rift between us.

He nodded then took a minute to say something.

"I understand." He gave me another kiss and stood up. "Regardless, we should talk to Soren."

I nodded and he helped me to my feet.

And for the first time since hearing the news, I touched my stomach and thought of the tiny life that was growing inside me.