Miss Morgan

Nineteen

⚠️all the Trigger warnings- mention of SA, violence, depression, slight suicidal thoughts, this one's a lot. ⚠️

February 1895
-John-

Things with Ivy and I are tense. Since Abigail's belly started to grow and it became obvious that she wasn't lying about being pregnant the two women pick fights all the time.

I can't prove that this kid isn't the mine. I don't know how. Ivy believes me but no one else does. Abigail just nags at me every time I try to talk to Ivy, tells me I can't be with her anymore. This god damn whore ruined my life.

I drown my sorrows in liquor and lash out at whoever talks to me because no matter how much I wish differently, things have changed.

"John!" Abigail screeches at me from inside the house for the thousandth time, but still I don't move. I just stare blankly at the campfire with the empty whiskey bottle dangling from my fingers. I contemplate how bad it might hurt to burn myself alive in that fire but Susan grabs me by the shirt and yanks me from my spiraling thoughts.

"John Marston!" Susan barks at me. "The baby's coming."

"Good for her, it don't got nothin' to do with me." I snap.

Susan slaps me across the face and that fire sounds even more tempting. I stand up but before I can jump in the fire, Susan yanks me along behind her.

She drags me into the house and I sit in a chair outside Abigail's bedroom while she gives birth, only because if I move Susan will rip me in half. Which sounds better than pretending to be a father to that kid honestly. I take another gulp of whiskey.

I see Ivy return from robbing a stage coach with Sean and Mac. Anger rises even further in my chest. It's supposed to be me working those jobs with her. I want things to go back to how they were, when it was Ivy and me against the world. I wish Dutch would have just sent Abigail back to the whorehouse she came from.

Hours pass with Abigail's shrieking and suddenly I hear a baby screaming and I stand up. My head spins from the alcohol in my system. "Can I go now?" I ask Susan and she comes out of the room to glare at me.

"Get in here and meet your son." Abigail hisses at me from inside her room.

"It ain't mine." I step through the doorway. I see her holding a small bundle of blankets. I want to vomit at the sight. That could also be from the amount of alcohol I've consumed though.

The boy, she named Jack Marston, looks nothing like me. He has blonde hair while Abigail and I both have black hair. She gave him my last name. It almost makes me laugh. It would make me laugh if it hadn't ruined everything for me.

"Take the boy and go introduce him to the rest of the gang." Abigail tries to hand me the baby and I just shake my head and walk away. There's no way in hell I'm going to walk out there and show off this kid that I know isn't mine. She only wants me to do this because she knows it'll hurt Ivy and I won't give her that satisfaction.

Dutch gathers us into the clearing in front of the old house. I stand next to Ivy and I want to reach out and hold her hand, but anger radiates off her in waves. I can smell the whiskey and tobacco on her and I know she's aware that Abigail just had the baby.

"Everyone! We got a bank to rob." Dutch starts, pulling me from my thoughts. "John, you sure you should be goin' on this one? Abigail just had the baby."

"I'm going." I growl at him.

He nods at me and continues with his plans. "Bill, Hosea, and Karen will cause the distraction with dynamite. While the law deals with that, Sean, Mac, and Davey will guard the outside of the building. Ivy and Arthur will open the vault and grab the money. John, Carl, and Javier will make sure everyone inside the bank behaves. I'll help you all where I can. Everyone clear on what they're doin'?"