Miss Morgan

Twenty-Six

August 1896
-John-

"What the hell?" I groan to Mac once we're outside. Thunder rumbles over the forest and lightning flashes every so often. Crickets chirp loudly and the scent of a nearby campfire fills my nostrils.

"What? I think Jenny will fit in, if she's gone through all that with Ivy over the last year, I'm sure Dutch will like her too."

"No, not that." I glare at him. "Ivy..."

"She did hit ya pretty good huh?" Mac chuckles.

I roll my eyes. "She really doesn't speak anymore..."

"I don't know what to tell ya Marston." Mac shrugs. "I figured you'd be the one to get her talkin' again. I guess maybe she thinks you need to earn it, maybe her voice don't come back that easy. I don't know."

"She looks..." I start. I don't have words for it. She's even more beautiful than I remembered. She's been through hell this last year and she's still fighting. I thought I'd come back and see she had been fine without me this whole time, maybe moved on and found someone else.

But she didn't.

I thought I could come back and be alright to focus on Jack because she wouldn't be interested in me. Maybe coming back was a mistake.

"Tough?" Mac finishes my sentence.

I nod. "That's one word for it. I was gonna say beautiful..."

"She's not like most women." Mac sighs.

"Oh right. What were you talkin' about back in there? You said 'sorry about before'?" I finally ask.

"Oh uh..." he fidgets with a button on his shirt. "I uh... tried to kiss her when we left to go find you."

I clench my jaw, fighting down the anger building in my chest.

"We was out there for months, she's easy to fall for." He shrugs. "Besides, camping for months with one girl like that is bound to make you go a little insane right?"

I slam my fist into his jaw.

He holds his face in his hand and spits blood into the dirt. "Yeah, well she had pretty much the same reaction." He groans.

"You're a son of a bitch." I shake my head.

"I don't know why you're so mad about it, weren't you just sayin' on the ride up here that you didn't come back here for her? Maybe you need to talk to her out here instead of me."

"She doesn't talk!" I almost yell, running my hand through my hair.

"Yeah but she listens." Mac argues. "You can talk to her. You know her better than any of us ever did, you practically knew what she was thinkin' without her ever havin' to say a word."

I sigh. He has a point, but it's been a long time since Ivy and I were close. Even before I left, we weren't on great terms. I feel like I hardly know her anymore.

"Just go talk to her. If anything, let her know now that you're back to be a father to the boy. Don't lead her on if you don't wanna be with her."

That's the thing. I do want to be with Ivy. But the kid needs to come first, he needs a father. I can't  come back and be with Ivy and still try to be a father. Abigail also won't let that happen.

Mac lights a cigarette and nods for me to follow him. We go back into the shack and down to the bar where I find Ivy sitting with Jenny and Sean.

My heart pounds as I approach her. I've never been so nervous to talk to her, maybe it's because I feel guilty for all the shit I put her through, maybe it's because her not talking is hard for me to accept... but I remind myself, it's her. I can talk to her. I have to talk to her.