WOOHOO GUESS WHOS BACK AND PROBABLY GOING TO DISAPPEAR FOR ANOTHER 2 MONTHS! JIMMY!!! (I think I'm vanny on here but I forgot anyway Jimmy better 😋😋)
(Flashback)
Rui POV:
"Stay safe Rui, I'll always love you yea?" Tsukasa said as he looked at me he with a soft gaze.
"Of course! I love you too Tsukasa-kun! I'll see you at school next week."
"Yea..." He smiled as he walked off, although he looked quite sad.
'I wonder what's wrong...?' I thought to myself as I watched him leave. I walked home with a smile as I thought about seeing Tsukasa again. We had started dating a few months ago and I loved him! I loved him so much.
As I got home, I went to unlock my door. I realized it was unlocked and mentally slapped myself. 'Tsukasa-kun would've been so mad at me! I should stop forgetting.' I thought to myself as I closed the door and walked up to my room.
I laid on my bed, daydreaming about our next show. It was going to be so cool! It was about a boy who couldn't find his place and another boy that was outcasted. They made friends and found 2 others. They became friends and finally found their place together. I was the outcasted boy and Tsukasa-kun was the boy who couldn't find his place.
'I should text him! I should as how the costumes are going~!!' I thought as I pulled out my phone and sent him a text.
My star 🌟
Me: Hey how are the costumes for our play going?? I'm so excited to see them!!
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I waited and waited but there was no response. I knew a place he liked to visit that had no wifi, maybe he's there and that's why he can't text me.
He liked to be by the train station. It was a calming place. It was in a small field and it had a lot of flowers.
I decided to walk over there. It wasn't a far walk.
It was a calming walk, honestly. It was a bit boring and lonely because I didn't have Tsukasa-Kun with me, but that was fine.
There were so many pretty flowers. That was a sign that I was close to the station. I picked a few and made a flower crown. 'I'll give it to Tsukasa-Kun when I find him~!!' I thought myself.
I made my way to the station. It had a few trees around it and obviously there was a bench. I found Tsukasa-kun, but he looked sad..
"Tsukasa-Kun!! There you are! I was getting lonely without you! I made a small flower crown for you on my way here." I said happily as I put the crown on his head.
He looked up at me and gave me a sad smile. "Thank you Rui."
I sat down next to him and leaned my head on his shoulder. "How are the costumes for the play going? I'm so excited to see them! I just know that they'll fit well with the props I've made!!!"
"They're coming a long well. Almost done." He said. He looked happy. I watched him stare off into the distance. "Hey Rui...?" His voice caught my attention.
"Yea?"
"What would you do if I just.. left one day? I didn't come back?"
I looked up at him and responded with no hesitation. "I'd be sad! The man I love the most is gone and I'd have no idea where he is!!"
He smiled softly. "I love you Rui. Make sure you always take care of yourself yea?"
"I will!! I made a promise to Tsukasa-kun after all!! I've fixed up my sleep schedule and pushed away any thoughts that are bad. I'd say I'm doing really well!!"
He smiled at me. It was soft, not usually like him... "That's good. Can you promise me to always keep it? And even when you accidentally break the schedule, try get right back on it okay?"
"Alright~!!!"
"Thank you Rui." He looked away again and looked at the train tracks.
Eventually it got dark. I had to go and so did Tsukasa, but he said he wanted to enjoy the breeze here alone a bit more before he left. I said goodbye and gave him a kiss. I was gleaming with joy. I loved him so much.
"Mwah~!! I love you Tsukasa-kun!! I'll see you soon!!!"
"Love you too Rui." He smiled at me. I walked away, happy. I was so excited to see how the costumes were and also just so happy in general.
I was happy to perform with him, I was happy to be his boyfriend. I was honestly happy with everything. I loved everything about Tsukasa. I loved his little quirks and his flaws.
I left the train station, not realizing, that was going to be the last time I ever saw Tsukasa-kun again...
(End of flashback)
I was currently in my room, bawling. You can guess what happened after I left. My boyfriend, the one I love the most... he's gone. Gone for good. He's not coming back, and I'm having a hard time coming to touch with the reality.
He jumped onto the tracks, infront of an oncoming train. I never knew what he was struggling with. I cursed myself for not seeing the signs. I hate myself for not being more concerned and just brushing it off. I guess I didn't really worry because I loved Tsukasa and every time with him is the best.
"Tsukasa-kun... why did you have to leave..?" I mumbled to myself. As much as I had wanted to, I never hurt myself. I kept my promise. I said that I would never cut myself again. I kept true to my word. Looking at a box cutter is tempting, but I push it aside. I kept every promise I made to him, even if he broke one of them:
"I'll always love you Rui. I promise I'll stay with you forever. I know it's sappy and lovey but you're really the man of my dreams, I couldn't ask for anyone else."
I stayed away from anything that can hurt me. Although the thing that hurt me the most, was the note he left for me. It broke my heart. In it, he put everything he was struggling with:
Self esteem issues, depression, anxiety, bullying, and immense stress from his sister's condition. He also struggled with body positivity. He would starve himself, and even then he would still look in the mirror and call himself fat.
It broke my heart.
He could have told me. I could've helped. I want to help, but it's too late... he's gone.
I wish I got to say a proper goodbye. I wish I got to do one proper last play with him. I wish I never failed him as a boyfriend. I was supposed to protect him from all those thoughts, not let them go unseen right under my nose.
I feel so ashamed, but that's not how Tsukasa-kun would want me to feel. He would want me to keep going, to have fun with my life. To live it to the fullest. I did as he asked.
I'm 38 now and have a boyfriend. I love him dearly, but Tsukasa still holds a dear place in my heart. I've lived my life like he always wanted me to.
I went to college, I got my masters and I got a job in engineering. I was recently offered the job as a director and I've taken it up. I'm happy, but every time that Tsukasa pops onto my mind, I can't help but cry. I feel devastated. It's even harder when I watch the actors on stage.
'That could've been Tsukasa...' I always think. I have to stop myself from crying.
"My love...?" I shouted from my room. I was dressed and ready to go out somewhere.
"Yes dear~?" He called back.
"I'm going to Tsukasa's grave to talk to him again. I'll be back in maybe an hour."
"Alright! I love you!! Stay safe!!!"
"I love you too!"
I left the house and headed to Tsukasa's grave. 'I'll always love you Tsukasa-kun. I hold you so dear in my heart.' I thought as I drove off.
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A/N: I cried while writing this
Word count: 1407
