Fuck my life I can't find good rui angst so I'm feeding myself and the rest of the rui angst fans here,
Rui angst is better than Tsucaca angst. Change my mind.
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Rui POV:
I sat at my table, a plate of food served infront of me. Tsukasa had given it to me, saying I needed to take more care of myself. It consisted of: Rice, ginger fried pork, and a small side of veggies.
I separated the veggies, but still didn't want to eat. I stared at my plate, my expression blank. I need to stop gaining weight, if I eat too much, even my own boyfriend will probably break up with me!
"Rui?" Tsukasa's voice breaks me out of my thoughts.
"Yes Tsukasa-kun~?" I replied.
"Are you going to eat? You've been staring at your plate for two minutes, not doing anything except separating the vegetables! You have to eat them!!!"
"Fufu~ sorry Tsukasa-kun, I guess I just get lost in thought easily~" I said as I picked up my cutlery with shaky hands. I started eating. If it made Tsukasa happy, I'd do it.
Tsukasa got up and put his plate in the kitchen sink as I continued eating.
I could feel myself gaining weight, I could feel my lower body getting heavier. It made me feel sick. Disgusting, vile. I hated it.
As I finished my food, I put my plate in the sink.
"Your cooking is amazing Tsukasa-kun~ I'm so lucky to have you with me~" I said. Even though it sounded like it was sarcastic, I really did mean it. I was so grateful he was here taking care of me.
Even though I feel so selfish keeping his kindness to myself, I can't bring myself to share him with anyone else.
"You're welcome Rui!! Hahaha! A star always takes care of his partner!!" He said in a loud and confident voice. 'I wish I could be like him...'
I went to my room, getting changed. I noticed my binders weren't where they usually were, so I put on a T-shirt and shorts. I was going to ask Tsukasa, but I looked in the mirror, seeing how the shirt made me look big... I went to the bathroom, forcing myself to throw up. It wasn't pretty, nor good, but it was the only way to make me feel better about myself.
I ended up changing my shirt to an oversized black one and going to the kitchen to ask Tsukasa where my binders had gone.
"Tsukasa-kun~?" I wrapped my arms around his waist.
"Rui!! Hello my dear~!! How can I help you??" He said confidently.
"Do you know where my binders have gone? I can't find them..."
"I put them out for a wash, you barely ever take them off!" He turned around to face me, cupping my face gently. "And I'm not letting you wear them to bed, I don't want you hurting yourself."
"Ah, alright." I leaned in for a kiss. He happily returned it.
"You'll get them back tomorrow, don't worry. I won't let you go to school without one."
"Thank you..." I smiled at him. I was truly grateful for everything he does for me, but I don't feel like I deserve him. He's so pure and kind, he doesn't deserve to be with someone like me, he deserves better...
I went to my room, laying in bed. Am I selfish for keeping him to myself? I don't deserve him, yet I have him anyway. Why do I do this...? Keeping the most pure of heart person to myself...?
Why do I continue to want even though I don't deserve it? I want our troupe to stay together. I want to continue being friends with Nene, Mizuki, and Emu. I want Tsukasa to stay with me forever. I want to get to know Aoyagi-kun and Shinonome-kun better. All I ever do is want.
I want to be cradled and coddled like a baby. It's always, I want this and I want that, but it shouldn't be. I should be content with what I have... why do I feel this way...?
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A/N: GUESS WHOS BACK AND THEN PROBABLY GOING TO DISAPPEAR AGAIN!! JIMMY!!!! I'm pissed off with how much Tsukasa angst I see where Tsukasa's a small little bean and Rui's the big bad boyfriend who's like "dw bbg, I'll protect you 😼😼😼" and it pisses me off. I'll probably be posting on here more often just to feed myself and others. If I get an Ao3 acc I'll probably start uploading there but I'll tell you guys if that happens.
Luv you bye bye ❤️❤️
