I held the knife so tightly, I felt the handle dig in to my palm, and leave indents. "I won't hurt you... I won't hurt you..." I repeated to the woman, to soothe myself. Not to soothe her.
I can't hurt her.
I won't hurt her.
I can't do it!
I won't do it!
"I won't... I won't... I won't..." I repeated, as I realized I can hear her heart beat. Louder and louder. Pounding against my skull. "I won't! I won't! I won't!" I repeated louder, as my vision flashed between black and red and normal. It was then I realized, my vision had gone back to normal at one point, becuase I could see the colors in the room. Now my vision can't remain one way or the other. What the hell?! "I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't," I whispered. My vision finally stopped changing, and stayed stayed black and red. "I can't!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, collapsing onto my knees.
I began slicing at my own flesh as the thought of harming, no, killing that woman to distract myself long enough for the thought to pass. The thought grew stronger, and occurred more often. Every two seconds, and so did my self inflicted wounds. I stared at the floor, as my blood pooled below me, drop by drop...
I looked up as I felt a warm tear roll down my cheek. I saw the woman, with her face in her hands, sobbing. Then down at my arms, which healed already. They didn't bleed, they weren't open, there was no way to tell they were fresh. The only thing left behind was very faint scars.
Then, it took over. Any bit of me that was left, and piece of my fragile soul, gone. "Pathetic" I said, annoyed by the woman. I stood up and sprinted towards her, at an almost inhuman speed, driving a knife straight into her chest as I came to a stop. She screamed in agony, her tears rolling down her face, as she fell to the ground. I went down after her, keeping the knife where it was.
"Now now, be a good girl. Hush, hush." I said, thrusting the knife in further, causing the blade to puncture through her back. The knife now all the way through her body, she shrieked. I twisted the knife counterclockwise, I could hear her blood, her muscles, her tendons, they made a squishing sound. "goodnight" I said evilly, with a grin across my face, nearly ear to ear. With her dying breath, coughing up blood, partially paralyzed, drowning in her own blood and tears, she used her last ounce of strength to shout as loud as she could, a single word.
"Monster"
She gargled and coughed trying to get her last word out. It was hilarious.
Just then, I won control back over myself, my vision went back to normal. What have I done? I looked down at my blood soaked hands, the knife dripping with blood, the pool of blood, and the body of an innocent woman.
I am a monster...
I threw my hands up, grabbing and pulling my own hair. I screamed at the top if my lungs. I screamed bloody murder. Becuase that's what just happened, and it was all my fault. I screamed again, and again. Then I got dizzy, I began stumbling backwards. My vision began fading, and being polluted by darkness. Not the dark I see when I become the monster I am, the darkness meaning there was nothing left to do. It all went pitch black, and I passed out.
