Darkside of the Sun

Chapter 31 - Moon

Tom's POV

"If you can't even be honest with me then get out."

I winced as I remember the words that left my twins lips. He looked so angry, dissapointed. I have had a hunch for the past week. That they weren't stupid and knew I wasn't drinking just water. That I wasn't slamming down water as if it were actually water. I fucking knew it. Ugh I felt so dumb and disgusted with myself.

You should.

"Shut up!" I screamed at the little voice in my head.

It was getting louder as the days were passing by in a blur. That's what the past few weeks have been, a blur. Nothing was real anymore, it's all slow and turning and blurry and painful. I just don't know what to do anymore. Besides drink, I know how to drink.

I chuckled to myself and slit down the closest wall I could find. The chuckling turned into laughing and soon I found myself crying like a little kid. I curled myself into a little ball and dropped my head that felt as heavy as a ton of bricks.

"Tom"

I shot my head up when the deep voice came from my left. David stood there with a concerned expression on his face. That's how everyone has been looking at me. With pitty and concern. As if I would break at any second. I think they were afraid that if they said the wrong thing I was gonna cry or yell or break down. Well that's probably what would happen, but that's not the point.

"You okay?" He asked as he crouched down next to me and stroked my hair.

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes and spoke. "Yes I'm fine David."

He sighed and spoke. "You sure?"

I mentally rolled my eyes. God Tom stop doing that, they are just trying to help.

No there not, they hate you.

"Yes I'm sure." I sighed and closed my eyes. "Please...just leave me alone." I answered in a broken voice.

He nodded his head and began to stand up. I was just staring at the wall in front of me. I could see when David was walking away he turned around one last time to look at me. He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets before turning on his heels and walking away.

I don't know what to do. I just feel so much pain every second of every day. I admire how Bill, Georg and Gustav are so happy and full of life all the time. I want that again...or something as remotely close to that. But how? My life wasn't worth anything anymore. I think if other people would know how I tought about my life they would just scoff and tell me to get over myself. My life is supposed to be a dream come true. I have everything. Money, fame, a loving twin. I almost wanted to say loving parents but scratch that.

I have the love of my life next to me who would give the world to me and be there for me until the day I died. I didn't though, not anymore.

She turned out to be a selfish, lying bitch who didn't love me for a second. She betrayed me, crushed me. And I hate to say it but I can't live without her. It's just impossible. I see her everywhere I go and dream about her everytime I do get a chance at some sleep. It fucking sucks.

But hey, atleast the rest of the world tought I was hot and amazing!

No they don't.

"Ughh get out of my fucking head!" I yelled and began to kick and stomp around like a little kid. I slapped and punched my head mulitple times until I felt 2 hands wrap themselfs around my wrists. The tears were pouring down my cheeks and everything around me was a blur.

"Hey, hey stop that."

Bill's voice echoed in the back of my mind. It felt nice to have the presence of my loving twin around me. Atleast he still loved me.

Don't fool yourself you little rockstar. No one will ever be capable of loving a murderer like you.

I tried to stop kicking and slapping myself. But I couldn't, I had to be punished. Someone had to punish me for being such a pathetic loser.

"Calm down Tom."

I heard him speak again. I was getting tired from all the kicking so I stopped and screamed. "Get off of me!" I slapped his hands away and stood up just to see Georg and Gustav standing behind him. My vision wasn't clear and I tried to focus on the things that were happening around me.

All I could see was the three of them just standing there. They just stood there. And...did I see that right? They were smiling? They began to laugh like they were watching a fucking movie. Or if someone just made the funiest joke to ever exist.

I groaned in frustration. "Stop laughing at me!"

But they didn't stop.

My breathing was getting unsteady and I had to hold on to the wall for support. Come on Tom breath in, breath out. I need air.

I pushed past there laughing selfs and made my way to the back door. I pushed it open and was hit with the cold night air of Moscow. Breath in, breath out. That's better.

I opened my eyes and soon found out I had them closed the whole time I was outside. And what I stood face to face with was not something I was waiting for right now.

A whole bunch of screaming fans were standing there, all smothered together like a bunch of ants. Shit I'm fucked. I looked left and right and saw Saki standing there with a car next to him. Thank you god. I made a silent prayer and ran towards the vehicle. I thanked him while he stood there shaking his head in disappointed. I jumped in and closed the door behind me. Screaming and crying fans were clinging to the car like magnets and I tried to ignore them. But I always forgot how hard that was.

"Where do you want to go Tom?"

I heard Saki call from the front while he looked at me thru the rearview mirror. "Bring me to a bar or something I don't care." I spoke and he sighed but nodded before he started the car and drove away.

-

I sat there on a bar stool, drink in hand. I fought hard to resist to pull the glass to my lips and slam it down in a matter of seconds. It was as if it was the elixir of life, if I didn't drink it everything would come crushing down on me. It was going to cure me from the pain I felt cursing thru me. I fought hard. Bill was gonna kill me if I came back and he found me drunk again.

I didn't care though.

In an instant I had the glass shoved against my cracking lips and was taking long gulps of the burning drink. I didn't stop until the drink was empty. I slammed it down on the counter, gasping and licking at my lips for every last drop. I sigh and waved my hand to ask for a refill.

Bill is gonna be pissed, but I plan to be too drunk to care later so it all evens out.

-

I slammed the glass down, stood up and tripped over my feet. But not before I catched myself with the bar stool that stood beside me.

"You okay mate?"

I heard the bartender call from behind. I shook it off and slurred "Fuck off" before making my way to the bathroom.

A wave of nasea hit me like a freight train and I pressed my hand against my mouth. I stumbled the last steps and tried to hold back to vomit that wanted to escape badly. I tripped over my feet and bumped into someone and vomited all over the wooded floor. Luckily for me the person catched me in time and was now holding me up so I wouldn't fall face down mount everist. I wiped my lips and cringed at the taste it left my mouth. "Ughh" I groaned and looked up.

But what I saw...I don't know how to describe the feeling that washed over me when I looked up at those eyes. Those fiery hazel brown eyes. Those familiar brown locks. I could never forget those beautiful eyes...

"Jesus Tom" She mumbled while keeping me steady.

"Luna?"