Saving Agent Hotchner | 1

45. Rage

Y/N
From the moment Aaron revealed that Emily was alive, you were bombarded with mixed feelings.

You were definitely happy that she was still alive. Now Avery had another aunt who would spoil her.

But deep down, you were angry. Angry at Aaron for lying to you for so long. Sure, 7 months isn't an extremely long time, but when you have a 5-month-old baby that spent a while without their dad around, it sucks.

———

You were aware when Aaron got home. You heard him shut the front door and you made sure to seem asleep when he entered the bedroom. He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead and went to bed himself.

At 2 AM, you sat up in bed, trying to calm yourself down. You had a nightmare about the 'Emily' situation. You imagined a life where Doyle had never been caught and Emily would've remained hidden to Aaron and JJ, but dead to you and the rest of the team.

You got out of bed and headed downstairs to the kitchen. You had some water before walking over to the couch, laying down. You fell asleep while staring at a photo of you, Aaron, Jack and Avery when you all got your first family photos. The photos were taken a few weeks after Avery was born, when you were well enough to go places.

The next morning, you were up at 6 AM after another nightmare. You made a coffee and sat at the kitchen island.

"Morning." Aaron walked into the kitchen.

"Morning." You replied, not really in the mood to talk.

"Look, I know you're angry..." Aaron started. You scoffed and shook your head.

"Angry? That doesn't begin to describe how I'm feeling." You replied.

"You know I didn't have a choice. JJ didn't have a choice." Aaron defended himself.

"No. You both had a choice. You just chose to lie." You glared at Aaron.

"Y/N, please listen." Aaron insisted.

"All you had to say was "she's alive". That's it. No need for more information. We deserved to know that Emily was alive and that would've sufficed. We would've been happy knowing that one day, she'd come back." You explained.

"It wasn't that simple, Y/N. Not with all the classified information involved." Aaron defended.

"You are my husband, Aaron. We're not supposed to lie to each other, whether it's about who was last to do the dishes, or the status of our friend." You shook your head.

"Clearly you're not understanding me, Y/N! I had no choice!" Aaron snapped.

"And clearly you're not understanding me, Aaron! Because of a lie you and JJ created, you were sent away for months." You snapped back, tears pricking your eyes and threatening to spill.

"Y/N..." Aaron lowered his voice and tried to calm you down.

"I didn't have my husband around for months. Jack and Avery didn't have their father around for months. With you gone, the team was put under a lot of stress to perform better than before and it sucked for all of us. We lost Emily and we lost you soon after. Jess and I struggled day in and day out to make sure Jack and Avery were okay, and considering both of us had jobs, it was difficult. Sure, we had Penelope, or Rossi, or even Derek who could babysit, but that would've been too much pressure for them. We were all dealing with Strauss. One wrong move and she would've taken another one of us out of the unit." You cried out, watching as Aaron just looked at you with pain in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry." Aaron spoke, inching closer to you.

"I missed you, every single day. I cried at night, thinking that one of my best friends was dead, and my husband was sent away without a choice. But I was wrong. My best friend was alive, and my husband was sent away because of a lie he created." You broke down, sobbing. Aaron immediately wrapped his arms around you. You didn't hesitate, you didn't pull away.

Deep down you knew that Aaron and JJ had their reasons for lying to you and the team, but it hurt, knowing that he was assigned to a task force in Pakistan and you didn't have him holding you at night, or kissing Jack and Avery before they went to bed. Jack's school events were missed and trying to put Avery down for naps was difficult because dad wasn't around to help calm her.

"I never meant to hurt you, or the team. I swear." Aaron kissed your forehead, exhaling.

"I- I know you didn't." You breathed, trying to calm yourself down.

"I love you, Y/N. So much." Aaron insisted.

"I know you do. And I love you too." You nodded.