Dear Ana,

Ab origine

After the service, we headed to Rose's house.
It felt weird walking in her house without Rose next to me.
My parents paid their respect to Rose's parents.
I walked around the living room, a bit awkwardly. I did not care for all the sentimental feeling-talk going around.

The whole room was dressed in black.
It reminded me of this one time, I went shopping with Rose for a cocktail dress. And I kept picking out black clothes. She said: "Darling, you can never have enough black."

I owe my great fashion sense to her, she taught me everything she knew, but let's just stick to the simple description 'more than friends, more like sisters'.

My thoughts wandered to memories I forgot even existed.
Sometimes they want to be reminded of their existence.

Relatives started approaching me, I had to get away.
I slipped upstairs and walked to Rose's bedroom door.

She was an only child. I remember her room seemed like it's own castle.
It was pretty big.
My hand rested on the door handle, hesitation paused my moving.
She won't mind..right?
No. I'm sure she won't.

Strength returned to my hand and I opened the door.
A small part of me was wishing that this was all a scam.
That Rose would be lying on her bed reading the new Cosmopolitan. And she would quiz me on 'the best sex position for your star-sign.'
But that small part of me was disappointed to see her big bed, all neat and made up and empty.

I took slow steps into her room.
I didn't want to spook anything.
Like maybe her ghost.

I saw her makeup still laid out.
Her calendar marked with upcoming Rendez-vous.
The air smelled like her common fragrance 'Gucci Guilty'.
Whenever we had a social event, I took the opportunity to wear that perfume.

When I took one more step, I stumped the front of my shoe against a floorboard.
This never used to stick out?

The wood was out of place, maybe the weather made it reform.
I lowered down onto my knees.
Could there maybe be a secret space underneath?
I got goosebumps. I very carefully lifted the wood.
There probably will be nothing..

The wood came out all the way.
There was something..
It seemed like a box. I lifted it out.
I felt a little guilty snooping around, but maybe this could tell me more as of why Rose did what she did.

I braved the box on my knees and removed the lid.
The box contained a pretty bracelet with blue and red beads.
It looked like it was handmade, the paint was chaotically spread over the beads.
I think Rose made this, I don't remember her wearing it though..

There was one more thing in the box, a book. I opened to the first page, it read:
'My name is Rose Pilkinton, this is my diary.'

Her diary.. This should explain everything!

My thought were interrupted by footsteps coming up the stairs.
I quickly closed the box and hid it back under the wood.

I slipped the diary under my dress and tried to fasten it against my back.
I walked quietly out of Rose's room and returned to my best friend's wake downstairs.

I'm going to find the reason Rose..