Dear Ana,

Lapsus

"Come on!" Yumi groaned annoyed.
"Just chose something already, goddamn."
I rolled my eyes and laughed while I continued scrolling down on Netflix.
"I can't, there's too much choice."
We laughed together.

We lounged in our pj's on Yumi's big king size bed. We were having our first sleepover.
Yumi already feels like my best friend.

Around 2 am we turned the lights off and lay in Yumi's bed. She asked me a lot about Evan. I told her a thing or two.
I had lost track of time, but somehow we both fell asleep. I woke up because of my stomach, it was grumbling very loudly.
Shit. She cannot hear it. Maybe she'll know I haven't eaten anything.
She cannot find out. She'll start to see my diet. She'll ask. She will try to make me eat.

I softly lifted the blankets and walked to the bathroom. Drinking a glass of water will fill me up.

"Anyone who makes us eat is an enemy, my dear."

"I know." I sighed softly.
I was tired. Tired and scared, because I knew very well what I was doing to my body.
No one understands why I need to be thin. It's the only way to fit in.

I crawled back into bed. Yumi was still fast asleep.
Falling back asleep took a very long time.

Yumi made the bed feel a lot warmer. Normally my skin is like ice.
The morning came rather swiftly.
Yumi started poking my side.
"Jeez it's like poking a skeleton, you gotta eat more girl."
She can't force me to eat.
"I eat enough girl." I tried to laugh.
"I'm hungry, let's have breakfast."

She led us downstairs. Her house was cozy and artistic, everywhere paintings were plastered on the wall. Little vases and sculptures scattered around almost chaotically.
"Can I have some green tea?" I asked.
"Sure." She boiled the water.
She's getting cereal boxes. She's going to make me eat.

I noticed myself getting antsy. I can't eat, I'll gain too much.

I started panicking when she handed me a spoon. Yumi was having spoons full of cereal.
Milk + cereal, that's too many calories.
I grabbed some tissues. I lifted the spoon from the bowl, tilted the milk off and ate the cereal. After crunching a few times I tried my best to spit it discretely into my tissue.
I hope she won't notice.

"Good save Watson."
They smiled in my mind, I felt their approving prideful nods.