Dear Ana,

Temet Nosce

The roads were completely deserted.
Logan drove smoothly.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
I didn't mind leaving the party. But what would Evan think. He might read something into this.

"You nearly fainted, you shouldn't drink on an empty stomach."
He paused and rephrased: "actually, it's best to stay away from the party punch anyway. period."

I chuckled. "That punch was deadly."
"You can count on my brother to make every party legendary with his punch."
Logan looked at me a few times.
He didn't answer my question. I had no idea where we were , nor where we're going.
I didn't seem to care either way.
Logan filled the car with a minty smell, he was chewing gum.
He's been drinking, though he can still drive in a sane manner.

"We're almost there."
"Where?" I asked, even though I knew it was futile. He wasn't going to answer.
"Surprise." His smirk was dangerous, it invited me to like him.

The car slowed down. He turned into a parking lot. My eyes fell on the neon-yellow- lit letters on the building, spelling out: "PANCAKE HOUSE"

"Why are we at a pancake house 1 am in the morning?" I gave Logan a confused look.
"You had to eat, this is the only place still open." He shrugged his shoulders.
I looked inside the restaurant.
He was right, it looked closed but a few people were sitting in booths eating and drinking.
"Besides, who doesn't like pancakes in the morning?"
"It's not really morning, is it?" I accused him.
"Come on, princess." Logan stepped out of the car.
Princess?
I snorted and opened the door, also stepping out.
"He's got some charm, I'll give him that." I muttered, walking after him.

The diner was nearly deserted. Only 2 waitresses seemed to be on duty.
"Choose something good." Logan handed me the menu.

Crap. I'll just have some juice. Yes, no food.
"I think I'll just have some juice, what about you?" I looked at Logan.
He hadn't even glanced at the menu.
"I'm going to have the special pancakes of course."
Something tells me he's a regular here.

I rolled my eyes.
"What kind of guy eats pancakes at a diner at 1 am in the morning?"
My question wasn't supposed to be out loud.
He smiled. "Quite often, it's the best hangover meal, plus it's just down the road. "
He waved a waitress to come over.
"They know me too, which makes the service even better."

"What? Did you sleep with the waitress or something."
Logan looked quite shocked at my statement.
A 50+ year old waitress came to take our order.
I covered my mouth to hold back my laughter. He wouldn't sleep with her.
Logan saw me struggle and had to laugh as well, then he placed our order.
"Two pancake specials and some orange juice."
She didn't say anything while dotting down the order on her notepad and then leaving us.
"Great service." I laughed.

He said two orders. He can't possibly mean for me.

"Oh dear, you're not going to eat that. Sounds like a calorie bomb."

"We'll be very mad indeed, if you eat that."

"Did you order me pancakes? I didn't want any."
"You have to try them."
"But I'm not hungry." I lied.
"You don't have to eat everything."
I don't want to eat anything. I can't.

"But-"
He looked stern. He's not going to accept no for an answer.

"What makes you think I'm the kind of guy that sleeps around?" He changed the subject.
"I never said sleep around. But it's not that surprising I mean, come on." I eyed him up and down and gestured with my hand.

Logan couldn't help but smirk at this so called compliment.

"I don't know how, but I'm always labelled as a player. Even though I don't do anything."
I scoffed at his remark. "Your looks are enough."
"Doesn't really seem fair does it? I was born with these features."

"Blessed, more likely."

"Boohoo." I teased him.
The waitress interrupted, she loudly placed two plates with sirup-covered pancakes in front of us. Together with a glass of juice and a cup of coffee.
I stared at the plate with pancakes.

That looks so good...
"You can't eat that!" They exclaimed.
He's watching.. I have to eat. Just one bite. No more.
"Amy dear, watch out."

Logan took a bite, it seemed effortless and without a thought. He simply picked up his fork and shoved a bite full of fluffy calories into his mouth.
It looks so easy...

My hands hesitated, proceeded to lift up the fork and cut into the pancake.
I tried to avoid the syrup, but the whole dish was covered in the stickiness of it.
I need to stall.
"Won't your brother be wondering where you are?" I asked Logan.
"It'll be fine." He looked at me.
I put down the fork and took a sip of the juice. I could fill my stomach with this juice. Then I can't eat the pancakes.
"Juice also has a lot of calories."

"You should try the pancakes, they're good."
I smiled, but inside I felt nothing but fear.
"This place actually has pretty decent food, I come here to hang a lot."
"Why would you come here? Can't you go to a friend's house?"
He look kind of agitated.
"I only have one real friend, the rest of them are all fake. Only trying to suck up popularity by hanging out with Rick and I. "

He really hated it. Everyone buzzing around him. He doesn't know what it's like to have no friends. To be unpopular. To be invincible, mainly because of my weight and unflattering looks.
"He doesn't understand."

Logan gestured at the pancakes in front of me. "Aren't you going to eat it?"
"At least try some." He pleaded.
His plate was empty. Eating, that cost him no effort and no thought.

The bliss of not thinking.
Not worrying about calories.
Not calculating the work-outs or the amount I'm going to have to throw up after this meal to reduce the damage. Ah. How blissful indeed. To be careless once again. I can only hope, one day.

I filled the fork with pancake and pulled it towards my mouth.
My lips wanted to stay sealed, touching the fluffy bite, finally opening up.
I chewed and chewed, making the food easy to digest. Lastly dousing it down  with juice. I felt full.
I hated that feeling.

Delicious pancakes..

Logan looked at me hopeful. Awaiting to hear what I thought of the meal.
I took one more bite.
"They're really good." I smiled.
After just one more bite I put my fork down.
I felt sorry for the pancakes, 1/4 eaten by someone who dislikes food.
I shoved the plate towards Logan.
"You want some?"
He took my fork and took a huge bite.
Why did he use my fork, isn't that kind of intimate?
Logan payed the bill and we went back to the car.
"Shall I take you home?"
I felt conflicted by the thought of leaving Evan and Yumi at the part and really wanting to go home.
Finally deciding: "Yes please, I'm pretty tired."

Logan drove on, I told him where he had to go. I stared out of the window while dark trees passed by.
I wondered what I was going to weigh tomorrow.
It made me sad.