youth !﹒⪩⪨﹒ dkbk

xxxvi.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
DO YOU KNOW IF YOU'RE COMING BACK?

★

"where is izuku?"

somehow, those were the very first words to leave the blond's mouth upon waking up from his medically induced stupor. he was disoriented, and confused. yet one thought remained in his mind.

one person.

"well hello there, do you know where you are?"

"where is izuku, can i... can i please talk to him?" katsuki gazed straight ahead, ignoring the nurse who'd questioned him.

"please, do you know where you are?" the nurse asked urgently despite how calm her voice was.

katsuki pressed his lips together, finally tearing his gaze away from the wall, and looking at the woman who stood next to him. "how the fuck would i know? last thing i remember is..."

just as those words left katsuki's mouth, he was filled with dread. it was intense, unrelenting dread. his mind was a mess, his memories were jumbled and he could hardly differentiate past from present.

though, what he did know was that something bad happened. he could feel it.

"tell me, what do you remember?"

"i remember..."

katsuki trailed off as he gazed down at himself. he was in a bed, an iv injected into his vein. a hospital bed?

oh god.

"i..."

his eyebrows furrowed deeply. he was with izuku, right? they drank and smoked a bit. katsuki recalled the lightness of intoxication, the burn of alcohol in the back of his throat as he took a sip of alcohol from the glass in izuku's hand.

katsuki could recall the way white smoke swirled around izuku's room. the way izuku blew the smoke into his face, he hated the smell of it yet endured. it was okay since izuku was the one blowing it into his face. his lips were close to katsuki's as the smoke escaped his mouth only to flow into katsuki's.

he could recall the feeling of izuku closing the gap between them afterwards, the way izuku's cold snakebites felt against his lips. the chills he felt then once izuku took it further. his touches ignited something within katsuki and made him feel so good.

he recalled falling asleep on izuku's chest afterward, he felt lighter than ever. warm.

katsuki felt no dread at those memories.

though, with his next memory arriving, so did the torturous feeling.

driving home, entering his home, the rush of adrenaline he felt then.

katsuki recalled it all.

the yelling, the screaming competition between him and his mother. she would not listen to him, leading to the ache of being struck by his own mother. the act of being struck was not the thing that hurt. instead, it was the realization that the woman would truly never hear him.

katsuki found his stomach aching as these memories returned. he hated remembering them. so much that he hadn't even realized he'd begun to sob.

"dear.." the nurse spoke quietly, holding tissues out to katsuki as he made no move to accept them.

katsuki recalled the hurt he felt afterward, the ache of being unheard. his mother did not reason with him, or dare to hear what he'd gone through. he recalled how the darkness of his own mind consumed him then. how he wanted so desperately to hide away from his hurt, how badly he wanted to feel numb.