Bruised

Chapter Eight

When I open my eyes Amber's head is still on my chest. I grab my phone to see that the time is 1:00. I gently shake Amber to wake her up. She's so cute when she first wakes up! I kiss her between her eyes and she smiles. Sometime when I was asleep I got under the covers. It was really hot so I tugged them off. I also wasn't thinking and took my shirt off. I heard Amber gasp when she saw me. Shit! The bruise! It wasn't that bad; it was beginning to fade but it still had some color. "How did you get that?" Amber asked in a sleepy voice. I had to think fast. "Uh me and some friends were messing around." I say and hope it's convincible. "Oh... You play too rough." She says. I laugh a little at her comment. My stomach begins to growl. "Are you hungry?" I get out of bed. Amber nods and gets out to. I leave my room to go to the kitchen. I pull out a bag of chips and go back to my room. Amber obviously doesn't notice my presence in the room. She's looking at a picture of my mom on my nightstand. It was the last picture her and I had taken together.

I always look at it either before I go to bed or when I wake up. I clear my throat. Amber jumps, "Oh I-I'm sorry." She says. She backs away. "No it's okay. It was the last picture we took together. It was taken a month before she passed... I miss her so much." Amber pulls me in for a hug and this time I put my face in the crook of her neck. "I wish she was still here." I whisper into her neck. I kissed the spot where my breath had hit on her neck. I pull away and kiss her on the lips. We sit back on my bed watching tv and eating chips.

We didn't talk much until Amber asked me, "Why did you cut yourself. I mean like why did you start?" I tensed up. No one really asked me that kind of stuff. "I tried to kill myself." The words sounded harsh,unkind,hurtful and just wrong coming out of my mouth. "Me and my mom were so close that I couldn't stand to be without her..." I said and I could tell that I sounded sad. "Would you start cutting again?" She asked showing no emotion. "No.. I- I. It was hard to stop. It was just my way of coping but I learned to get over it. And come up with another way to cope... If u don't mind.. Why are you asking me this?" I don't have problem talking about it. I mean it's a raw subject but I can talk about it. "Amber are you cutting yourself?" I have urgency in my voice. She can't be cutting herself. If she is then she doesn't know how deep is too deep and she could.... No! I won't think like that!

"Amber?" I ask again. Her silence is my answer. I instantly grab her wrists inspecting them. I saw what I never want to see. She had cut herself. There was one freshly cut mark. I was furious. "Why? Why would you do this to yourself Amber!?" I raised my voice. "Is this the only one? Have you cut yourself in other places?!" I yelled and she flinched back. I was still had her small wrists in my large hands. "Amber!"

"Please stop! You said you would help me not put me down!" She yelled back yanking her wrists away from me. She began to get up out of the bed. "No, no Amber please don't." I grab her arm, making her turn to me. "Please don't. I'll help you, I'm sorry. Please just sit down.." She debated with herself and went to my bed. We both sat on my bed.

I took her left wrist, the one with the cut on it. I brought it up to my mouth and kissed it. They had to be only a couple days old because Amber flinched back. "I'm sorry." I say. "When did you do this?" I ask as calm as I can possibly be. "Yesterday... After I got home.."

*Flashback(for Amber)*

When I got home I cried. Why did she say that? My eyes scanned all around my room until I saw it on my desk. Razors. No don't do it! I told myself. I grabbed the pink razor and somehow got to the blade. I went to my bathroom and locked the door. I held up my wrist. Maybe if I do this I can see mom again.. I put the blade close to my wrist. I put in down on my pale white wrist and slowly dug the blade in. It hurt too much.. So I slid it across my wrist fast, still feeling the pain.

I watched as my blood went down my forearm. I turned on the water and watched as the clear liquid turned to red. After I cleaned it I wrapped it in a thick bandage.