Glowing x - A The Script Fan Fiction

Glowing x - Chapter 16 - Fear

Unknown PoV

I lean over the toilet in the ladies bathroom of ward 13 of my local hospital feeling positively vile. I want to vomit. Which is kind of expected after the news I just got. I don’t want to live in this world anymore. A world full of pain, heart ache and illness. Illness being the solitary factor I really want to abolish today. One illness in particular, cancer. If you haven’t filled in the gaps yet I have just been diagnosed with cancer, lung cancer to be précised. I only have months to live. Not that I don’t deserve it. I’ve done some really bad stuff in my time stuff that will haunt me to the grave and beyond. But the idea of death scares me. I mean what do we really know about death? What actually happens after we slip through the net through to the next veil? Is there heaven? Or more likely for me, hell? Who knows? No one. The only thing we know is that we have to die. The one thing we’re certain of from the moment we’re born, yet we know nothing about it. And that terrifies me.

I hear the creak of the old oak door as it opens signalling someone else had entered the little highly sanitised room. I try to calm down my rushed loud breathing to a normal steady pace but end up coughing harshly. Dam my broken lungs! I wish they’d just magically get better and that I could go back to what I was doing, hiding. ‘What from?’, I hear you cry. Well the honest answer to that is everything and everyone. From life, from death, from myself. For the last five years I’ve basically been living in limbo on the streets of this god forsaken city running away from my previous live and trying to ignore the present one.

“Hello Ms...Ms....Uh! This would be so much easier if you told us your name!” The young nurse from earlier calls through to me, her chirpy voice full of desperation. You see I can’t just tell them my name or that’ll open a brand new Pandora’s Box of horror for my already awful life. Five years ago I did a very very bad thing and the police have been looking for me ever since. That’s why I’m out on the streets every night, hiding in every alley I see. Staying in the dark spots so no one can find me. If someone saw me they might try to help me and then realise who I am, one of the most wanted criminals of this time. I can’t let that happen. Not for my sake but for my little girls. The child I left behind. She won’t be so little anymore, midteens I think. Hopefully her life is full and happy and she’s forgotten all about her hopeless mother but I doubt she has. How can she forget the source of so much pain in her short life?

“Please Ms, we just want to help you!” The nurse chimes again. I almost jumped out of my skin! I was so deep in thoughts of my little angel that I’d forgotten all about the nurse standing at the other side of the cubicle door. I knew she wouldn’t give up so with much struggle I climbed to my feet and wobbled over to the door. I unlocked the flimsy lock and looked at my nurse. She was pretty little thing with dyed red hair tied up in a neat French plait. I think she said her name was Crystal. Me and my husband mulled over that name for our little girl, we wanted her name to be different not a usual boring name like all her little friends. We wanted her to be unique, not to have to feel as if she should follow the crowd. I wonder if she stuck with that, even after I left.

Crystal smiled at me and took my hand in hers guiding me back onto the ward. She didn’t speak as she sat me down on my bed facing the big windows out onto the hospital car park. Carefully but quickly she replaced my drip and rehooked me to my heart monitor from when I ripped them off earlier. I could tell she wanted to say something to me, probably try to convince me to tell her who I am, but just as she opened her mouth to speak the phone rang loudly from the nurses’ station. Being the only nurse on call she had to hurriedly go and fetch it. I was quite literary saved by the bell!

I sat and stared out of the big windows watching the hustle and bustle of the outside world lazily. An ambulance pulled up outside the front door and out hopped two paramedics with a person lying on the bed. I couldn’t see the patient clearly from this distance but it appeared to be a woman or girl of some sort. I could just make out the gentle wave of brown hair cascading down her unconscious shoulders. It reminded me of mine from when I was younger, before it went all limp and grey.