Realizations

Chapter 5

Entry #20

Everything is different. Everything has changed...for the worse. It has been several weeks since the school found out I'm trans. Most of the kids either ignore me or could care less. But the remaining few including, most of my teammates, a few popular kids, and Kaitlyn's new friends go out of their way to make my life a living hell. From the moment I enter school to leaving the football field, they go out of their way to tease or mock me. They refer to me or call me tranny, freak, girl, wanna be boy, etc. you get the idea.

They also pull pranks on me like filling my locker with different things which ruins and stains everything inside, putting things on my chair as I'm sitting down so I stain my shorts or pants, changing the name on my locker and practice jersey once to one of the names they tease me with or other things like that. On several occasions, the girls and boys have banned me from using their bathrooms and locker rooms.

I haven't visited or seen the vice principal or principal so much in my entire school life as I have in just this one week. Well obviously my dad doesn't know for obvious reasons and he's kinda never around anyways. Rodrik also doesn't know because I haven't told him yet and I have no idea where he stands on this. I haven't told my mom yet even though the vice principal and principal both strongly advise me to tell someone. The last thing I want to do is tell my mom and have her constantly worry about me more than she does already or cause problems with dad and possibly Rodrik.

I mean yeah it sucks that this is happening to me but I just have to deal with it until the school year ends then I can ask mom to transfer to another highschool. Although yesterday was the first time the teasing and mocking got physical. Several times throughout the school day, I was shoved into the locker by several different guys that have been teasing me. Then during practice for the first time, the O-Line purposely did a bad job blocking for me and I ended up having to scramble for my life every play. Good thing I'm scrappy and quick on my feet otherwise I would have been tackled five times more than I was. Damn, I'm super sore right now.

But that's not even the worst part about all of this. I found out that the day before I was outed to the entire school, Kaitlyn confided in one of her friends with everything I told her. Her friend then turned around and told the rest of the friend group. They then decided to out me to the entire school. I found this out when Kaitlyn texted me later that day asking if she could come over so that we could talk.

I was hesitant at first but the part of me that misses her and is still in love with her won out and I ended up saying yes to her. Since we were both already home from practice, she was knocking on my door a minute later. So this is basically what was said and what went down. She started off by telling me that she missed me and was trying to figure out how she felt. She talked to her one friend to help her figure out what she was feeling. Her friend then went behind her back and outed me to the school.

She really did feel terrible that she had unintentionally played a part in outing me and was angry at her friends for doing that. She genuinely did feel sorry and meant it when she mouthed it to me but she didn't want to go against her friends and then get bullied by them so that's why she went along with them. Then she told me that she accepts me but doesn't feel the same for me, but still wants to be my friend. Because I really missed her, was still in love with her, and was emotionally hurting from what happened earlier that day, I forgave her and told her that I wanted to go back to being friends with her.

I thought things would return to relatively normal but I was wrong. As the week went on and I continued to get teased and mocked, she would join in with her new friends enough to fit in and wouldn't bother to stop them. However, once we were hidden in my house, she would tell me how sorry she was and how she really didn't mean anything she said and she didn't even want to say those things.

Now I'm torn between continuing to forgive Kaitlyn and forget what she has done because I don't want to lose her and letting go of her and our friendship because she has changed for the worse. I honestly don't know what to do or think right now. Until next time, Ryker Quill out.

Thanks for reading.  What did you think?  What do you think will happen next?  What do you want to happen next?  As always votes and comments are appreciated.