Realizations

Chapter 14

Entry # 50

Wow I can't believe it's been eight years since I last wrote and saw this journal. I thought I lost it, but it somehow ended up behind my bed, probably when I was unpacking after moving into the new house and my mom found it the other day when she was cleaning and gave it to me. A lot has happened, I don't even know where to begin. I guess I'll just start from where I last left off and go from there.

Shortly after the barbeque celebration and the last time I saw Kaitlyn, my mom found a place closer to my high school and on the other side of town, so the chances of running into anyone from my middle school were slim. We spent almost the entire summer renovating the house and moving in. I started my freshman year with Lexa and Rodrik went to college a few hours away with Bianca. Rodrik and Bianca would drive home once a month and every holiday. Since Lexa's house was on the way to school, I would swing by Lexa's and then we would walk to school together. Lexa and I would walk home everyday after school irregardless if one of us was staying several hours at school for a club.

During football camp, as Coach Rogers called it, where everyone interested in joining the team would spend a month before football season started going over and practicing the basics and fundamentals of football. Then after that month Coach would cut anyone that couldn't perform or hadn't quite gotten the basics and fundamentals down, anyone that he thought wasn't taking it seriously, and anyone that wouldn't make the final cut in tryouts. Then after the two day tryouts, he took only the best of the best and cut everyone else.

Football camp is how I first met Lincoln Meyer and my best friend Pedro Young. They were both freshmen just like me and were attending Mountain View high because of the football program. Lincoln's position was wide receiver and he quickly became my favorite target and go-to receiver. Pedro's position was linebacker and he was the first person to ever give me a run for my money and made me become creative to get rid of the ball quickly before he got to me. It didn't take long for the three of us to bond and become friends. Because of the trauma and ptsd from last year, I was hesitant to tell them. It was a year before they even found out.

Speaking of that, after we got settled into our new house, mom found me a doctor. I started taking hormone blockers and T at the beginning of freshman year. It didn't take long for my voice to start becoming deeper and to go through a few small growth spurts. Since I was planning on getting top surgery soon and I was on the football team, I began to get serious about working out so that I could hold my own against the guys and I could show off once I could walk around shirtless, mainly for the second reason. That summer between freshman and sophomore year, I started puberty and got top surgery. That's actually how Lincoln and Pedro found out that I was trans.

It would be four to six weeks, depending on how quickly I was healing and how I was feeling before I could do more than just sit around on the couch all day. Lexa, mom, Rodrik, and Bianca were by my side the whole time. The day before my surgery I told Lincoln and Pedro that I was going to be busy and spending time with my family so I wouldn't be able to hangout for the next four to six weeks. That didn't stop Lincoln and Pedro from texting me everyday, asking me to hangout but I always told them I was busy or hanging out with my family since they still didn't know. They honestly just thought that Lexa was just trying to keep me to herself, so they decided to drop by for a surprise visit one day and I happened to answer the door. To say they were shocked and I was freaking out would be an understatement.

Once I calmed down a bit and they got over their initial shock, I sat them down and explained that I was a trans male. I explained that I had been taking hormone blockers and T since the start of freshman year and the reason that I had been telling them I couldn't hang out for the last few weeks was because I was currently recovering from top surgery that one they didn't know about and two I couldn't do anything, I could barely move around. I sat on the couch scared shitless to see how they took it, praying they took it better then Kaitlyn because I really didn't want a repeat of eighth grade year.

Lincoln and Pedro were still taking it all in and wrapping their heads around what they just found out. After a minute, they told me that this didn't change anything between us, that we were friends and that meant they had my back no matter what. I was super relieved when they told me that they supported me. I had been trying to figure out how and when to tell them for the last year since I was terrified that they would react the same way Kaitlyn did. That they wouldn't take this well and wouldn't want to be my friend anymore because of this and what happened back in eighth grade would happen all over again.

Once the six weeks were up, things went back to basically normal and I slowly started getting back into my normal routine since I didn't have any more restrictions. Me, Pedro, and Lincoln practiced and worked out everyday to stay in shape and not become rusty. Rodrik would join us basically everyday for the same reasons. At the end of summer Pedro invited me over to his place for a pool party so that I could show off my new chest. I agreed since the scars weren't very noticeable. At the party Lexa couldn't keep her eyes or hands off me. Pedro and Lincoln told me it was because she liked me and that I should ask her out. I told them that they were crazy and ignored what they told me.

A week before Rodrik and Bianca would head back up to college, they announced that they were pregnant. Mom was excited that she was going to become a grandmother and get her first grandchild but wasn't happy about the fact that they were still dating and not married. Mom, Bianca, and Lexa started talking about babies and all that stuff. Me and Rodrik ended up going on a walk and just talking about everything and nothing. Rodrik told me that he was planning to propose to Bianca soon and wanted me to come with him to pick out the ring. At the first football game of the season, Rodrik proposed to Bianca. She said yes.

And that was only freshman year. Until next time Ryker Quill out.

Thanks for reading.  What did you think?  What do you think will happen next?  What do you want to happen next?  As always votes and comments are appreciated.