Is This Enough ||MxM || Lgbtq+ [ON Hiatus]

Chapter 32

Leonardo's P.O.V

I have never had faith in love; I'm not apologetic about it either. Whether it be labelled as scepticism or cynicism, it won't alter my opinion.

Love wasn't a privilege I was ever granted growing up. I wished it was something I could count, but it wasn't. All the people around me showed me that expressing feelings made you vulnerable and no one had the patience to deal with sobbing.

I experienced a shift in my life when I developed meaningful connections with people who demonstrated the kindness and consideration that I should have been receiving all along. It made me understand that if you truly cared for someone, you would always be there for them regardless of the situation. Unfortunately, this idea didn't translate to my romantic relationships, and I still believed that all forms of love had certain conditions attached to it.

People believed in it and desired it but when push comes to shove, love is a nightmare that the whole world relied on.

At the beach, where the sky was a blend of  blue hues, Vinnie confessed his love for me. The revelation left me feeling baffled and unsure of what to say in return. It lingered in my thoughts for the remainder of the day. Was I meant to ignore what he said or confront the situation? We had been getting along well, but I couldn't help but worry that I had already unintentionally damaged our bond.

I laid in bed, my mind swirling with a thousand thoughts as I tried to psych myself for the day ahead. I looked across at my partner, peacefully sleeping, my hand naturally moved, as if to brush away the curly locks that had fallen onto his forehead, but I withheld my gesture.

Had I lost the right to touch him, after my hesitancy? I mechanically carried out my daily morning ritual; the bark of our dog, Rufus, bouncing off the walls of our home. I went outside to give him a chance to do his business in the garden. When I re-entered the house, Vinnie was in the kitchen, presumably cooking breakfast.

I slowly slinked up behind him, ready to envelope him in my embrace. This was our usual routine, I would clasp my arms around him, usually with a silly quip. He would dish out breakfast for us, and we would discuss our plans for the day ahead. However, this time was different. No joke was capable of helping the situation.

He muttered softly to himself, regarding the eggs needing more flavour, as he spun around in surprise, his eyes catching sight of my hands hovering from a distance. "Why did you stop?"

My arms dropped to my sides, and I asked, "Were you serious about what you said at the beach?"

He placed the spatula he was holding on the counter. His voice was soft as he spoke, "I meant every word I said."

The air in the room was thick with a heavy silence, only punctuated by the occasional pop and crackle of the food cooking away in the pan. I asked, "You getting that?", motioning towards the skillet.

He shut off the stove and refocused on me. Taking a deep breath, I said, "I'm not sure if I'm capable of loving you."

There was no longer the cheerful grin that was so characteristic of his face; instead, a sorrowful expression had taken its place. "Was it something I did?"

My palm softly caressed his cheek as my fingertips lightly glided along his face. My voice trembling, I said, "It's not you. It's me. I know it sounds cliché, but something inside of me is preventing me from taking that leap. Can we just take things slow?"

Vinnie leaned into my gentle caress, providing us with a sense of peace. The silence in the air was a stark difference to the sound of the light rain drizzling against the window. Suddenly, the sound of Rufus's chew toy pierced the tranquillity, bringing us back to the present.

He distanced himself from me, stepping back until his back hit the stove behind him. He whispered, expressing his innermost thoughts with reluctance, "I don't want us to take it slow. I'm probably being selfish, but I have never experienced a feeling like this before."

Even though, I knew what this meant, I still needed to ask. "So, what does that mean for us?" The look of sadness had come back. It was difficult to witness him in such a state of distress, and even harder to know that I was the one responsible for causing him such anguish.

He paused, and my heart began to race. I could feel the anticipation in the air and knew that this moment would be etched in my memory forever. "I think," he began again, and I waited anxiously for the conclusion. "I'm gonna take some time to clear my head so I'm going to stay with Wesley for a couple days."

He brushed by me and got off his keys and wallet. As the door slammed shut, I heard the sound of my own broken heart.

I moved about the kitchen in quick, jerky movements, tidying up the remnants of the morning's breakfast. My mind raced with questions and concerns. Why couldn't I bring myself to love him? What was wrong with me? In my distracted state, I accidentally knocked over a mug, and it shattered into a million pieces, like our relationship.

I hunched over, beginning to collect the remnants, when the sharpness sliced my finger. I questioned myself: why I couldn't be normal, and wondered if things could ever improve. As I picked up each piece, I had no clue why I did it, however my arm was left with a somewhat deep incision. All I could think was what was the point of it all.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

After a long day of taking our pup for a romp in the woods and giving him some love in the house, we were both exhausted. My phone began ringing with the distinctive sound of a group call. After talking about how each of us was doing, we got into the pleasantries of catching up on each other's lives. I was quite apprehensive when it came to my turn to share, but I eventually decided to tell them anyway. "He told me he loved me!" I said. I knew it was only a matter of time until I had to revealed my response.

A collective gasp of shock rippled through the room. Ri's voice rose to a fever pitch as she shouted in disbelief, "What did you do when he told you?"

"I told him — oh that's nice, thank you."

Zaavan let out an excited cheer from his phone after shouting "My man!"

"Shut up Z," Yori reprimanded, "why would you do that?"

"It was almost like he could see right through me... Emotionally." The silence from them almost deafening. I had no justifiable cause for my words, nothing more than a feeble attempt to make up for my mistake.

Yori piped up, shattering the quiet, saying, "I'm racking my brain for the worst-case scenario, but I don't think there is one."

"Yeah, I know I screwed up. But he let down his guard, so I'm supposed to do the same, but I just can't. I have spent so much time putting up these walls that I can't let them down." I said.

"Letting your walls down will help foster an intimate connection that you won't be able to experience in the bedroom. That's what you've always wanted, right?"

"Yeah, you're right!", I said with a smile, joking, "Who knew you were such a love guru?"

She chuckled, "Next time, they'll be a charge."

The discussion moved away from my romantic relationships to an anecdote Zaavan was sharing with us. Who could have known this would be the catalyst for our destruction?

Thanks for reading. Let me know in the comments what you think.