The Heart That's Meant to Love You [COMPLETED]

Chapter 88: Introspect

He shouldn't have given her any hope. Kieran knew that, but he had never seen Naomi take such initiative. As hard as he pushed her away, Naomi clung tighter. It didn't make sense that she would still like him after all he had done, but Naomi never gave any indication that she hated him.

You're annoyingly lovable. Her outburst hadn't let him go since she said it. Did Naomi really still have feelings for him?

Kieran knew he couldn't allow it to go on, but most parts of himself wanted to accept her pursuit. The rest of him—the more logical part of himself—knew that he couldn't. Naomi would never survive in his world. Not the way it was in that moment. He would have to change his world first, if he wanted any chance to be with Naomi.

Kieran was quickly coming to realize that he did, indeed, want such a chance. If she didn't give up on him, it might motivate him to take it.

"Claire's coming to get me," Naomi announced from where Kieran had left her on the bed.

Truth be told, Kieran could have sat there and watched her whole conversation. It would have been easy to watch her, no matter what she was doing. But that would only worsen the situation. Kieran couldn't destroy Naomi a second time.

At a loss for words, Kieran nodded his head. If they talked much more, he would confess things he never wanted to confess. He had already dug his own grave by giving her hope.

"You're not going to look at me anymore?" Naomi asked weakly.

It was her weak state that made it difficult to ignore her. Kieran couldn't allow Naomi to be in pain or suffering. He had tried a few times. It had nearly killed him.

However, if he looked at her, he would see the bruise on her cheek. And he would get angry. It had come from her mother, she said. A woman whom Kieran had thought loved her daughter more than anything in the world. But she had hurt her. And that rubbed Kieran the wrong way.

If he looked, his anger would get the better of his brain. Kieran would rather deal with feverish Naomi logically.

"It's not because of you," Kieran supplied. Naomi would never let the subject go if she thought she had done something wrong.

Naomi scoffed. "It kind of feels like it's because of me."

"You're sick. Lay back down."

Changing the subject felt safest. Their respective paths weren't ones that could cross like this. It was better if they parted before Naomi realized that.

Naomi's huff echoed through the room. "You're being a jerk again."

"I'm leaving distance between us on purpose." Kieran found a signboard in the distance to focus on. If he focused on the room around him, he might go unhinged in a number of ways.

"You're being a coward."

Kieran was prepared with a sharp answer, but the blankets rustled as they settled around Naomi. She had listened to him, no matter what words she had spewed. Naomi was like that; tough on the outside, with a soft heart. That was why he had to send her away, regardless of what that looked like.

Only, this time, Kieran resigned to do it more tactfully than the last.

Naomi said nothing more, Kieran supposed because she fell asleep again. Fine. She needed the rest. He needed the quiet. Had she said much more, his heart would have caved to her requests.

You're not with Tawny anymore, his treacherous inner voice announced. Why can't you be with Naomi?

Kieran chuckled, because he knew the answer before the question was asked. Naomi was too good for him. Hewas ruined, a broken shell of a man. Over the years, he had done too many things that were morally gray or even morally unacceptable. He had seduced women, scammed money, and he didn't regret it.

Or he hadn't. Until he met Naomi.

Naomi made him want to be better. He could never deserve forgiveness from those in his past. Nor could Kieran pull Naomi into the fray of distrust and mind games that swirled around him.

There was a saying, it had been around for millennia. "If you love her, let her go."

Kieran found, much to his chagrin, that he did indeed love Naomi. Thus, he had no other choice.

He didn't know how long he stared out the window, trying to make his life make sense again. It could have been thirty minutes. It might have been hours. Kieran didn't come back to the reality of his life until a knock sounded at his door.

Sluggish like a man sedated, Kieran pulled his feet to the door, unlocked it, and swung it open.

Claire met his gaze with a glare of her own. "Naomi said she was here."

Kieran nodded, stepping aside to allow Claire entry. He had forced the call, he should be courteous when help arrived.

Claire spotted Naomi in the covers, which elicited a stronger glare. "What did you do to her?"

"It's not like that." Kieran shut the door, his free hand going to rub at the back of his neck. "She's sick. So she's sleeping. Give her more fever reducers when you get her back home."

"That's another thing!" Claire seemingly forgot about her mission of retrieving her best friend from Kieran's apartment. "Why doesn't she just go back home to her place? Why did she insist on coming to my place?"

"Take it up with her." Kieran returned to his post on the couch, because standing felt like too much of a chore. "I'm sure there's a story."

Kieran had worked out a lot of the story on his own, going off of clues from things Naomi had said. But there was more. There was always more. If he had more courage, he would have asked.

Claire still didn't look happy, but she marched her way over to the bed and gave Naomi's shoulder a shake.

Naomi stirred, turned, and must have taken note of Claire's identity. She sat up in the bed, hair disheveled and eyes half-awake.

It was the hardest thing he had ever done, allowing Naomi to walk out of his apartment that day. But Kieran believed—at the time—that it was for the better. Claire would take care of her. Naomi wouldn't have to know about his previous life.

He should have known that none of that would stay the same. Kieran should have anticipated the maliciousness of outside forces. If he had, he never would have allowed Naomi to leave his sight.