Sunny side

Mixed feelings

I stared at my phone.
I layed in my bed, curled up and in pain.
This time was really no fun.
It was hell.

10 minutes later Enzo came bursting into my room.
I looked up totally confused.

„Enzo what are you-„

I stopped as I saw his packed arms.
He threw the stuff on my bed.

„I didn't knew what exactly you wanted now so I bough everything"

On the end of my bed were a big heating pad, some pain killers, one of his sweaters and a load of sweets.
I stared at him in disbelief.

„Enzoooo you didn't had to-„

„Well of course. You're not feeling well so I'm here for the rescue. We're gonna cuddle and watch a movie"

He said pulling his sweater over my head.

„But I look like crap"

I mumbled trying not to look too messy.

„You look gorgeous so shush"

he smiled and climbed next to me in my bed.
He placed the heating pad on my stomach and tucked me into my blanket.
I couldn't stop looking at him.
How could he be so sweet.
And why did I let my fear stop me.
He was literally perfect.

„Enzo?"

„Yes princess?"

„Isn't today the day the guys wanted to go out?"

I asked thinking.

„Well yes but they can go without me one time"

I sat up and looked at him sad.

„Enzo you don't have to be here. I don't wanna keep you from having fun"

„I am having fun. They go like every week. They can go without me. Don't worry. I'm here because I want to be. I wanna be there for you"

I almost cried.
His face shifted into concern.

„Did I say something wrong?"

„No. No you haven't. I don't deserve you Enzo"

„Shush. You deserve the world. Now come here"

He pulled me closer and I cuddled onto him.

I wanted to kiss him.
So bad.
Why can't I just kiss him?
Why am I so scared?
He likes me back right?
But I couldn't.
I just listened to his heartbeat.
Quickly drifting off to sleep after the pain killers started to work.

I could t get this moment out of my head.
I couldn't understand myself.
I tried to get rid of these thoughts but Enzo wasn't really helping.
Everything he did caused butterflies in my stomach.
The slightest smile from him made me blush like an idiot.

I talked about it with Pansy a lot.
The bad side was that all these thoughts kept distracting me.
Much to Tom's dislike.
He was hella annoyed with me.
And tried everything to get my mind off of this topic.
He hated this topic.
Feelings werent his thing.
And talking about them?
Horror!

But it was hard for me.
Especially because I driftet into a very selfconscious phase.
I had gained a few pounds.
Not much but when I looked in the mirror I saw a wale.
I constantly tried to hide my body.
My mind telling me I wasn't even good enough for Enzo.
Why would he want such a girlfriend?
I almost had another breakdown in front of my mirror as I decided to go down into the common room and meet up with the others.

Maybe this would distract me.
I slipped in some sweatpants and a hoodie from Enzo.
I waddled downstairs.
They were already seated on two couches in a corner.
I sighed slightly as I approached them.
There were no seat left.

Usually either Enzo, Matty ot Theo would offer to let me sit on their lap but I really didn't felt like it.
I felt like a 100000 tons.
So I grabbed a pillow from another couch and sat on the floor next to the couches.
They all were vividly talking so no one noticed that this was different.
So I thought.

I rolled my eyes.
I knew he would come and get me if I didn't move.
So I got up and walked over to him.
He instantly held out his hands and pulled me into his lap as I was in his reach.

He pulled me close.

„See im not crushed. You're not heavy Sunny. Believe me"

he whispered quiet in my ear.
I got bright red.

He ran his hands up and down the sides of my thighs while listening to the others.

„See they were cold. You would have gotten sick"

he smiled.
I rolled my eyes and leaned back onto him.

„Yeah yeah. I got it"

I felt so hot.
I had to get my mind off of the fact that I was in his lap and he was massaging my thighs.
All of the sudden this seemed so much more intense. Even though it was not new.
And Pansys big grin towards me made nothing better.

I was so confused.
I wanted him but at the same time I didn't.
Well at least I didn't wanted to lose this friendship.
Or any of this what I had.