Downfall || Seongjoong

- one -

Hongjong || Seonghwa

It wasn't always like this. I have never disliked waking up so much, never desired to disappear so desperately. Actually, I've always wished to see him by my side, to hold him and be reminded of his love at every chance I get. I wanted us to stay forever, I had so much planned and i believed we'd be able to go through everything together. 

He was my haven. I'd always reach out to him and I was at peace, even with my parents fighting, with the constant yelling and glass smashing on the walls, I felt safe with him. I knew that, by his side, I'd be able to overcome anything. And so the world seemed a little less dull to me, I had a reason to smile, a reason to feel like everything was truly going to be okay.

But good things never last.

The same person I was so thankful for, turned out to be the same one I'd learn to hate eventually. But can I even call it hate? I am never going to be able to hate him. Not in this life time. Not ever. 

Maybe I am just too weak, or too naive but I can't hate Hongjong. I don't know how he was able to throw everything away so easily, to give up on us but I can't do that. Every little second spent with him, had eased a part of me I didn't know was hurting. Every time we touch, I am reminded of how delicate humans can actually be. 

I miss him, but it's time to let him go. It's time to let go. I've held on for too long.

... a couple days before the mess.

I woke to the soft beep of the machines. Groggily, I rubbed my eyes and tried to run my fingers through my hair. I gave up on the tangled mess pretty quickly. I couldn't wait to get ready and meet my friends at school.

Leaving house without meeting my parents paths was almost impossible, they were always arguing right by the door as father was leaving for work. I decided to leave early, I didn't want to ruin my mood by facing them. I don't want anything to ruin my mood before meeting my boyfriend. 

I then rushed to my university, excited to meet my friends, but more precisely Hongjong. He was quite busy in the weekend, hence I couldn't see him at all so I really missed him. 

Upon arriving, I walked in with a smile on my face heading to my locker ready to meet everyone. However, weirdly, they weren't chatting by my locker, waiting for me, like they usually do. The hallways were quite empty and that left me quite puzzled. 

"where are they now?"

I sigh, pulling my phone out to call hongjong. Three calls in. No answer. I decide to go with san and lucky he picked up. 

"Oh.. seonghwa hey" he finally spoke but for some odd reason, he didn't seem comfortable 

I decided to ignore it for the mean time, i was probably overthinking it anyways. 

"Hey san uhh.. where are you guys? we usually meet up by my locker"

"oh yeah well.. about that, we're kind of.. busy right now? you can maybe try to see Hongjong-hyung, he isnt with us at the moment" San said but he didn't seem to be convinced by his own lies leaving me startled 

"busy? doing what? its 7am in the morni- forget that. If Jong isn't with you do you maybe know where he is?"

"Listen hwa. i'll hang up now. talk to you later"

And with that, I was left alone once again. A somewhat of a pout formed on my face as I tried to understand what my friend were behind, they never hid much from me. I was their hyung and they knew better than anyone I'd never snitch, even if they killed somebody.