The Kids Screaming Oliolioxenfree [Editing]

Patheticism. (Ch.16)

Sometimes I wish I wasn't alive.
Sometimes I wish that you would just die. Sometimes I won't live for days at a time. Sometimes I hate you for all of your lies. But sometimes I love you because you severed our ties.

I hate not being able to relieve the stress but today I can't. My friends are locked away safely in my bathroom while I'm a few miles away at my grandmothers house.

My grandmother lives fifteen minutes from me. My mom likes to see her a lot and my usual, "I'm not feeling too hot", didn't fly with her this time.

I didn't want to come because Adrian's dad lives here and I knew this was his weekend. What I give for it to be next Friday. So I wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. His dad's house is down the street I saw Adrian when we were walking into the house. He really pisses me off but I don't dwell on it.

We'd been at my grandmother's house for a few hours before she asked if I had a boyfriend.
"I don't want to talk about...", I said but she just smiled and leaned in closer.
"What's his name?", she asked grinning.
"I don't have a boyfriend.", that's when my alarm went off and I played it off as a phone call.
"I'll be right back.", I said walking out of the house. I went and sat on the curb. I tucked my head into my knees for a few minutes before I remember that they could see me through the window in the front of the house.

I decided to walk down the street. I didn't realize what direction I'd gone in until I was standing right in front of Adrian's dad's house. Fuck.

I heard the door open and I bolted down street. I jumped up and scales a tree only to turn and jump off of it, rolling on the floor so I wouldn't break my legs. I stopped and fell to my knees. And like the pathetic piece of shit I am, I began to cry.

I was in the middle of the street. I let my back fall onto the hard pavement, my knees up, and my hands over my eyes. I heard footsteps but I didn't care to move. This whole running thing was getting old.

"Katherine?!", a frantic and familiar voice. He put his hands on my shoulders, picking my back off of the ground and forcefully hugging me to his chest. He picked my legs up and held my back, and began to struggle to stand up. I wrapped my arms around his neck and began to shiver. It had been getting a lot colder lately. It was only seventy degrees outside and I was almost freezing.

Before I knew it I was entering a warm household. I looked up as I was let down.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?", he yelled, I just stared at him wishing he could just read my mind so the words wouldn't have to spill from my lips.
"Katherine talk to me!", he shouted.
"Will you come with me?", I asked calmly. He looked at me confused.
"Come with you where?"
"Somewhere.", I said grabbing his hand and leading him back outside.
"It's like sixty degrees let me go grab you a jacket."
"I don't want a jacket.", I was going to lead him to the peer where we would take a bus to my gym. I texted my mom.
'Hey is it okay if me and some friends go to the gym. I've got a ride.'
'Sure that's fine honey. Be back by 6:30 at the latest.'
'Okay'
We got on the bus and took a ten minute ride to the gym. I pushed open the double doors and took him to the giant trampolines, where I practiced my front and back flips.
"Wow.", he said," So this is what you do at the academy?"
"Yes. This is the academy."
For the longest time I'd taken rain checks to go to the academy. He never knew what that meant because I never told him. He still doesn't really know what it means.
"Come here. I'll show you what I really do.", I pulled him over to an obstacle course that looked like the town houses in India. I lets him sit on a mat and watch.

I jumped from one wall to the next. I disappeared into a small space a bit lower than where I had been, only to flip out of a window and onto a mat. I ran back to the side of the obstacles and swung from the bars, connected to the side of the building. I swung from bar to bar until I was at the last one. I swung as fast as I could with the chalk I had left on my hands. I swung myself onto the ten foot wall in front of me only to lift myself on top of it and jump off.

"Wow. So that was intense.", Adrian said. We'd gone to the Starbucks near my house and sat to drink coffee. I'd sent him here first so that I could stop at the store and grab an energy bar.
"That's what I do."

He looked astonished.

For the rest of the night we sat at my house watching movies on the couch. My mom said it was fine and his dad was out with friends.

I didn't want to be weak. But I think that forgiving him isn't weak. I think that it's strong. Contrary to my previous belief.

"Hey.", I said as he looked at me.
"Hey.", he replied.
"Kat I-", I couldn't take it anymore.
"Would you just shut up and kiss me.", I said irritated. I didn't have to tell him twice. He pulled my lips to his. Pushing them apart in the most relieving manner.

Not as relieving as my friends though. Not as relieving as the red.

"I love you.", he whispered. I knew he did. But that didn't stop the inevitable events that took place after he left. The red.

The red helps.
The red relieves me.
Adrian wasn't enough.

The butterflies weren't enough.

Being loved wasn't enough.