Petrichor || bts x plus-sized reader

Chapter 18

Chapter warnings: mc's anxiety, aftermath of mc's mom coming back, lots of insecurities, some smut, okay maybe not just some smut, talks of mating ritual, mc gets some comfort, mating ritual explained,

It had been a couple of days, the weekend passing by slowly before it was time to go back to work. You remained in the nest almost the entire weekend, feeling like you did when you were younger, afraid to leave your room in case you saw your mother. Logically, you knew she wouldn't appear in your alphas' home let alone in their den, but you couldn't help it.

You thought that when you left for South Korea, you would never have to see her again. You would never have to feel that impending sense of inferiority and impending doom whenever her eyes caught your own. To know she was in South Korea, for you, it shattered whatever fairytale you thought you were in. It had you not wanting to leave their castle-house, the nest they made for you, the safety and protection your loving mates provided for you. But, the fairytale was shattered and you had work.

You still had an apartment and bills to pay for, and you'd be damned if you let yourself relax into your mates and let them provide those things for you. It wasn't a matter of not trusting them, of being afraid of abandonment if you leaned on them. No, it was the stupid trauma your family left you with.

PTSD, your therapist in college had called it. Well, you had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from your "adverse childhood experiences" is what he explicitly said. You had a phobia of being a burden. Your mother had made your childhood home such an environment where you felt that being noticed, being perceived even a little bit, meant imminent danger. You had some scars on your body to prove that was the case.

Even though you hadn't lived with your mother since you graduated from high school, or even been in the same country as her for almost three years, even the slightest trigger would send you spiraling down and reverting into your eighteen year old self, trying to hide behind blankets and large sweaters so you wouldn't be noticed. Your entire first year of college was spent trying to do anything you could to get your mind moving and away from those thoughts, you had a total of almost 23 credits per semester; double of what the normal amount of credits are for a semester.

You could tell your alphas were trying to figure out how to help you, how to help make everything better. After being told that mating with them, completing the bond with them once and for all, would not only ensure your safety, but would also cement your transformation to an omega, you couldn't ignore the way your body was feeling.

You were torn. Your body and mind were reverting and spiraling, almost ruining the progress you made for your mental and physical health. You didn't want anyone's help, it only meant you owed them something. You didn't want to eat in case you threw it up later and wasted it and the money you spent to buy it. You didn't want to burden anyone or anything.

But your soul was screaming at you. You knew your mates would take care of you, with absolutely nothing needed in return. They would do anything for you. They would climb the highest mountains if only to drag you away from the edge. They loved you so wholeheartedly that your soul was shouting at you to let them help you in your oh-so-obvious time of need.

You knew they would hold you close, whisper sweet nothings and praises into your ears as you cried. Maybe Taehyung would pull out his old saxophone from school and play music for you because he knew it would make you laugh at how out of tune the instrument was. Or Jimin would connect the dots on the freckles practically encasing your arms from the sunlight covering your childhood home. He knew how much of a soothing thing it was, to have him just caress your skin.