What's Said in Silence

Sera-XXXXXIV

The rain dribbled down the window. A childish thought rose within me and I began placing my own internal bets over which drop would reach the bottom first. Though, the wind of the car made the water skew to the side as they raced. Nevertheless, the left one triumphed.  

We were heading to a recording studio to record 'Take Me Back to Eden' so that the band could release it as an official song. It seemed so long ago that I caught glimpses of it in the making and the first time I'd ever heard it live. I could still feel the raw emotions his lyrics evoked out of me that night. 

We pulled into the parking lot. The studio was in a small grey colored building, it almost blended in with the rest of the town so well that one could pass by it without sparing it a second glance. Not many people would know the beautiful creations that had been brought to reality in this small space. I felt privileged in a sense, I got a glimpse into something that I'm sure some of his fans would pay extensively for. 

We stepped into the small building and into one of the first rooms we came across. A younger guy, probably just a year or two younger than me, stood from his swivel chair and held his hand out to Vessel. 

"I'm Hunter, it's a pleasure to work with you. I've followed your music since the release of 'Jaws'." His words almost meshed together with how quickly they rushed out. Vessel gripped his hand and gave a swift, yet firm handshake. 

"Likewise, I'll assume you've been doing this for some time then?" Vessel gestured to the recording set up next to us. Hunter nodded his head vigorously, his scruffy blonde hair bouncing as he did. I found it amusing to see someone so flustered over Vessel, then again he'd had that effect on me without the knowledge of his fame.

After some conversation about the technicalities of the song, Vessel stepped into the secluded room and stood in front of the microphone, wearing a headset over top of his hood. I took a seat on the lounge chair in the corner so as not to be a disturbance. Hunter turned back to me, flashing a polite smile before turning his attention back onto Vessel.

"Whenever you're ready." Hunter said into the microphone and Vessel nodded, signaling him to play the track. Beautiful nature sounds accompanied the music, giving it the very ethereal feel. It put emphasis on the Eden aspect of the song, nearly taking me there in sound alone. 

"I dream in phosphorescense, bleed through spaces..." He started. My breathing stilled not of my own accord. I'd heard him sing so many times, but without the noise of the crowd, his voice became that much more powerful. That bourbon-like voice seeped into my skin and my eyes fluttered shut as the melody took hold of me.

 "My, my those eyes like fire..." That was my favorite part of the song, even without the knowledge that it'd been written with me in mind. It was intense in both sound and meaning. Anyone could've said 'like a moth to a flame' but he had his own way with the words. Everything about him was so hauntingly unique and these lyrics were a testament to the beautiful mind this man possessed. 

The paper I'd been carrying for the past few weeks burned a hole in my back pocket. I'd taken it with me everywhere since I'd read it, though I wasn't sure why. Everything that Preston did made my skin crawl and leaving a note under my pillow was the epitome of stalking. Part of me felt obligated to show it to Vessel, an even smaller part wanted to. 

Yet, self preservation kept stepping in, showing it to him came with a mountain of consequences and fall-back that I wasn't sure I was ready for. We had just gotten to a place of harmony between us and the last thing I wanted was to bring out the riptide and cause us both to drown. 

Be honest, its just your own selfishness keeping you from showing him.

It was. That I couldn't deny no matter how badly I wanted to. As much as I could possibly justify not showing him, the real reason was plain as day: I was scared of losing him. I'd grown so attached to this man. The man that wrote songs about me and posed for pictures. The man that gave incredible New Years kisses and ran in the rain with me. The man that left hand prints all over the house and cleaned them up so I didn't have to. The man who'd taken the very piece of me I thought had died and revived it, giving my soul more life than it'd ever had before. 

Yes, I was selfish. It was a habit I had yet to learn my lesson from. I couldn't continue to be upset about his snooping, I understood it. He only wanted answers to questions he knew couldn't be asked. Even in my silence, I was still the liar in the room. He deserved so much better than what I could give him, and the most screwed up part of me hoped he'd never realize that. 

"And no amount of self-sought fury will bring back the glory of innocence..." Wetness trailed down my cheek, scorching hot as a reminder I had no reason to cry. He truly had no idea just how spot-on his lyrics were. I'd spent so long carrying the anger on my shoulders, feeling robbed of the innocence I should have had. When in reality, I made the choices I did willingly and with no remorse in the beginning. I'd ignored warnings and red flags, all for the mere attention I'd been so spoiled into thinking I wouldn't get any other way.

I swiped a hand across my face as the song came to a close. Reality washed over my skin like thick tar. Selfish as it may be, the only thing I wanted was to look towards the future that I could possibly have with this man.

I just needed to figure out a way to keep the past where it belonged.