The Derp Games

Chapter 5

The next night is the Interview with Ranch Puncherman. He's going to be asking us about the Tribute parade, the Training, and even our personal lives. LAME.

The door to my room opens and Cinnaboo walks in.

"Hey girl! You ready for tonight?" he asks.

"I was born ready, Cinnaboo," I say.

"Yay! I have the most FABULOUS outfit planned for tonight," he grins widely at me. Its scary.

"Okay," I say, still creeped out by his smile.

"HERE IT IS," he screams and he throws the dress at me. I catch it and stare at its beauty. It is bright yellow with hints of orange. And red painted macaroni decorations all over the neckline. I inhale

"MMMM. Lemon Scented," I say with an open grin. I look over at Cinnaboo.

"Don't you just love it? The colors represent the fire in your District, and the macaroni was all Flapjack's idea. I loved it so much that I had to add it! I don't know why its lemon scented though. Must be a new laundry detergent." says Cinnaboo, gazing at his work.

"This is Beauti--"

"TRY IT ON!!!" says Cinnaboo, cutting me off.

I pull myself into the dress and look in the mirror. I'm not pretty, I'm not beautiful, I'm a lemon-scented babe.

"AHHHH! OMG I LOVE IT," squeals Cinnaboo.

I nod slowly and back away to exit the room.

The interviews finally start and I see the other tributes go up on stage. Yeah, they look good, but does their outfit smell like lemons? I think not.

On the stage I see an unfamiliar face of a girl. She kind of looks like a rat so I decide to nickname her Ratface. Later on in the interviews a small girl walks up onto the stage.

"And how old are you?" asks Ranch Puncherman.

The young girl holds up a three on her small fingers. The audience 'awwws' and I just roll my eyes. That little girl is clever, coming up here trying to act all adorable, but she isn't going to beat me in The Derp Games.

"Thank you Boo," says Ranch, and the audience gives her a big applause. One other 'large' boy goes onto the stage, Smash, and then I'm called up.

I walk onto the stage with my head held high, and trip over my lengthy dress, falling face first onto the stage. I quickly get up and redeem myself and head over to the chair.

"Hello Dogpiss," says Ranch,"How do you think you'll do on the food round of the competition?"

"Ill beat everyone. No doubt about it," I say.

He gives me a wide-eyed look,

"Really? And what makes you think that?"

"I can eat 30 hotdogs in a minute and 45 seconds. And I got an 11 during training" I boast.

The audience gives me a standing ovation. After they calm down, Ranch continues,

"So how's Plum doing? Did you get to talk to her after the reaping?"

"No," I say,"I just kind of left, because I was angry that my friend Garth didn't get chosen for the Derp Games. It was Peewee instead."

The audience laughs. I'm pretty sure its because they understand why I would be mad about that.

"Did you know Peewee before the reaping?" Ranch asks.

I did know Peewee before the reaping. Well, I guess we didn't actually "know" each other. But he helped me once when I was near death. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting outside in the warm summer air and all of a sudden Girly, Plum's goat, started getting angry at me. Peewee happened to be walking by at that exact moment and he pushed me out of the way before Girly rammed into me. Of course, I fell into a puddle of mud, but he did save me. I guess I don't really give Peewee the credit he deserves.

"I've seen him around school," I finally say. I don't want to talk about the whole life-saving incident.

"That's lovely. Speaking of lovely, look at that dress!" Ranch says,"Its like a lemony macaroni miracle!"

The crowd gives some "Oo"s and "aah"s and then they start clapping again.

"Well, it looks like we're out of time, so good luck in the Derp Games!" says Ranch, and he pushes me to the exit.

"Next up is Peewee ArfArf!" says Ranch.

Peewee waddles up on stage wearing a suit with hotdogs all over it. I'm a bit jealous. He sits down across from Ranch and the interview begins. Peewee is making the audience laugh, but I'm pretty sure they're laughing AT him, not WITH him. I can tell his nerves are getting to him.

"So do you have any girlfriend back home?" asks Ranch.

Peewee goes pale. He looks like he's going to throw-up.

"Well there is one girl who I've liked forever, but I'm pretty sure she never noticed me until the reaping," Peewee says.

"Well if you win the Derp Games, she'll have to date you," says Ranch.

"No, I don't think that will help me," says Peewee.

"Why not?" asks Ranch.

"Because... she's here with me."

The audience gasps.

"Oh god," whispers Ellie from behind me, "I just know its me."

"No it isn't. Its me!" I gasp at my own words. Peewee likes me? That's terrible! I'm not allowed to date until I'm 18...

I look up at the screen and see the camera is pointed on me. I look disgusted, so I fake a smile.

"Alright, well that sucks for you," says Ranch, and he pushes Peewee out the exit.