How to Survive South Park

Red Dead Deception

Time Terror - ?????'s POV:

Well I'll be damned. My counterpart really went above and beyond with this guy. Even when weakened, his power is enough to rival the best of the Exalted. Heheh, and now I get to see it first hand while learning the last few bits of info I need about him to pass by as him. These guys are making this way too easy for me.

Does she really trust him to always do her bidding? That's bound to fail eventually if you don't have some way of forcing it. Don't worry, Dark Angel, I have a way of solving both of our problems while ensuring the time patroller's destruction. Now go on and wear him down even further, you annoying ass, goody two-shoes Seraphim, and I promise your death will be painless.

And as for you, Dragonborn, even having the power of a Lovecraft god won't help you. In the end, it is my evil that will prevail. I'm coming for you, New Kid!

Outer God Dovah's POV:

I stare down the Seraphim as he makes his declaration, pondering how effective this little trap of mine was.

'4th highest huh? If I recall correctly, that Toolshed who disassembled me was ranked 5th in the T.P's hierarchy. This should be a good test for my new powers and be believable enough for her.'

Bradley then pulls out what looks like an upgraded version of the gold and green sword he has in his Phone Destroyer card and points it at me before spouting off one of his Phone Destroyer lines. Talk about creativity.

"Repent, sinner!"

"Hold off on that for a second. I need to test something real quick." I interrupt while sticking my hands up, completely throwing him off. Both hero teams just arrived in front of the police station where Bradley and I are staring each other down; prepared to handle the police and have their own (canon) fight with the now absorbed Outer God.

"Who the fuck are you two?" Cartman asks when he notices us and I don't bother giving him an answer.

Instead, I have T.K. extend my arm into a wave of flesh that Absorbs. Them. All.

My eyes widened after a few seconds (plus some 'oh shit!' warnings from T.K.) and I slice off the arm that just absorbed them which explodes into a mess of blood and gore less then a second later.

'So the weakness is the same as in game. Shub had 9999 HP in TFBW and every kid excluding Tolkien did 1000 damage to it when they were absorbed.

There were 13 heroes there with only Wendy not showing up yet, so even with Tolkien healing me and me technically having way more HP then her considering everyone else I've absorbed overtime, that would be more then enough damage to fuck me up big time.' I conclude after recalling some game mechanics and a bit of mental math.

"W-What have you done?!?" Bradley then stutters. Did he not listen to me at all ten seconds ago?

"Like I said, I needed to test something out."

"But... but I thought you were looking to help timelines your own way! You just killed all of this timeline's heroes in an instant!"

"Me wanting to only help people didn't stop you guys from locking me up to go insane and die, now did it? You guys wanted monsters to beat up, didn't you? Why are you complaining?"

There's also the fact that they brainwashed the equivalent of my shoulder angel and got him to try and kill me via suicide bombing. Seriously, the fuck did they think was gonna happen?

And yes, I see the irony of an angel being my shoulder devil. Dark Angel, sure, but the fucked up point still stands.