How to Survive South Park

The Right Tools for the Job

I just stood there, frozen in terror, as everything just took a complete 180.

As once again, everything completely went to shit within an instant.

What. Just. HAPPENED?!?

"ZENON?!? WHAT THE HELL?" My brobot just took us right to what's probably the Time Patrol's main base and knocked Red out the second after we arrived. Dozens of time patrollers are also surrounding us on multiple floors while holding see through... nearly holographic shields resembling those from my Timmy's own Danger Deck and have their weapons aimed at us.

A time portal then opens up in front of the wave of enemies and what looks like a seriously upgraded Toolshed walks through. He's wearing a dark blue construction worker-esc outfit that seems to double as armor and dark yellow safety glasses that seem to be like Edith glasses from Spiderman: Far From Home.

He's also got all sorts of advanced looking tools on him that, according to a quick scan from T.K, make the stuff I got from my adventures involving aliens and the far future look like a joke in comparison as well as black gloves and shoes on to complete the look.

But what's most surprising is his inner nature.

Remember Santa's naughty/nice power? Well the Time Patrol guys all around me have various shades from dark gray to a few white or 'nice' members, but the Toolshed in front of me has the lightest white I've ever seen in this good/evil color spectrum.

While I'm not entirely sure yet just what goes into consideration when it comes to the naughty/nice ranking Santa's innate ability has, the basic premise is simple enough in my opinion. Only Zenon himself would probably compare to this Stan, but Santa's power only works on living beings so I can't confirm that.

Speaking of...

"I reprogrammed your reprogrammed gingerbot back at the Dark Angel's fortress so he can actually do some good for people, Dovahkiin. Not everyone is stupid enough to fall for Red's bluffs, dude. There's no way she would throw away someone like you to get Nagitana, as good of an agent and warrior as she was."

"You. Did. WHAT?!?" Killing intent flows out of me like an unending tidal wave and many of the patrollers start to shake and gulp at my sheer rage, but Stan's expression doesn't change one bit.

'Santa's powers call this guy pure?!'

(("Perhaps Zenon's new nature after being freed from Tenorman wasn't detected by- Warning: Separate Trapper Keeper attempting takeover. Repelling... Repelling.")) Separate Trapper Keeper? Don't tell me...

Is this the guy who repelled T.K's hacker attempt and sent the wannabe ninja after me in the first place?

"Wow, you even evolved yours with the Diamond of Pantheos! It took me ages to think of trying that! Oh yeah, I have one of these too." His left arm and glove then start transforming into a mess of wires that return to how they were after a few seconds.

"When the hell did you do that?!"

"It's kind of funny how even the smallest decision can dictate where life takes us, isn't it? Going back to that magical diamond, Streisand using it and Robert Smith and those other guys fighting to stop her made me and the rest of my friends want to be like that too; heroes who save the day."

'Wait, does that mean that they came up with their superhero alter egos all the way back in Season 1?! Holy shit, if they actually took the hero stuff seriously that early on...'

"Wait, so if you guys became Coon and Friends or Freedom Pals or whatever so early on, how did you get Trapper Keeper?"

"When that Bill Cosby robot guy came back from the future to destroy it, Cartman or 'The Coon' killed him after he tried to destroy his second one and fought Kyle, Kenny, and I for it. We ended up winning and I decided to try reprogramming it to do some good, which I ended up succeeding in."