How to Survive South Park

Blood on My Name

Elder God Dovah's POV:

'And here I am in Fractured But Whole again.' I mumble to myself as I step out of the time portal. 'What is this, the third time? The fourth?'

The TFBW run in my original timeline, the canon TFBW timeline I traveled to after barely escaping Butters, I didn't stick around for TFBW during my Alternate SOT adventure... yup. This one's number 3, and unlike the first two, I'm not here to play any games.

I'm not satisfied with the level of power I'm at either. Shortly after becoming an Elder God and coming to the realization that everything I've done since the third day I've been transmigrated here has been an unchangeable destiny (which, considering my main goal here, is the PEAK OF FUCKING IRONY), I decided to take a trip down here again to get promoted a class... again.

I walk down to the police station a few hours before the raid starts in canon and use telepathy to mind control any officer in my way to not bother me. I then go through the station and the secret cave below the station before approaching the pit housing my next absorption target.

"Ia! Ia! Shub-Niggurath! Black goat of the wo- hey, why is a kid down here? How did you get past security?"

"I pretended I was a bar of soap and gave them all the slip. Now move it!"

Shub-Niggurath is an Outer God which, for those of you who don't know the Lovecraft God hierarchy, is the top tier of gods in that author's storyverse. Elder Gods are below them and Great Old Ones are at the bottom.

Now South Park is pretty inconsistent with their god labels as Shub is called either an Elder or Outer God and Cthulhu is called either an Elder God or Great Old One. They also seem to be pretty different from the version of them written in my original world so it can be a bit tough analyzing and planning for them, even with my prior knowledge of South Park.

Ultimately, the energy of Shub-Niggurath is higher than Cthulhu's, which is what matters to me the most right now... Although, there's still one massive problem with this next step and that is the Outer God's weakness for 'white meat'.

Getting that weakness after absorbing the god will cause massive issues in the long run so I want to be sure that T.K. can get rid of it which (hopefully) the A.I. should be able to do after a bit of analyzing and adapting. That's why I'm gonna get this over with now and probably focus on absorbing mechanical stuff and aliens afterwards until the issue is fixed.

I make my way over to the hole and power up with a raging black and purple aura surrounding me and bolts of black lightning with purple outlines emitting all around me. That and killing all the cultists down here definitely got the god's attention as it roars and emerges from the hole.

It doesn't seem like the Elder Sign on my shirt has any effect which is kind of a shame, but I still like the design and it fits the current me so I'm keeping it on.

The Black Goat of the woods swings several of its giant tentacles towards me which I cut through using a simple Soul Slash. I could barely fucking scratch this thing before, yet I can now cut through its flesh like butter with my most basic attacks.

The goddess roars again as I have T.K. absorb and analyze the tentacle bits. While the absorption process should be far easier than it was for Cthulhu, I want T.K. to be as prepared as possible.

This means I have to stall a bit, but that's fine. I need to get used to my new body anyways.

And what better way to get used to fighting as a Lovecraftian god then by fighting another Lovecraftian god?