Josephine POV
A couple of day's ago on Sammy's Snapchat story I saw Nash kissing another girl. After I saw it I instantly felt hurt, I have isolated myself from everyone. I haven't spoken to Nash, or any of the boys. I haven't seen any of my friends or family. I can't even look at Cameron, which is really fucking hard since we live the same house. I haven't been on Twitter, or YouTube. I haven't sang or played guitar. I haven't been for a run, I'm not eating properly, and I can't sleep. I sit in my dark room all day, the only time I leave my room is when I know Cameron isn't home. You might think I'm over reacting and taking this way too seriously, but if you know me you know that I let emotions take over me. I can't handle them, so when I'm upset or sad I kinda just let myself go. Which is really bad, but I don't know what to do about it.
I thought about meeting up with Nash to talk, but I would just get angry and walk away.
Let me tell you, that snapchat story is not the only proof I have of Nash cheating. I saw it all over Twitter, I heard Matthew and Cameron talking about it, I even heard Hayes and Mahogany saying they are disappointed in Nash.
He has really changed, and it's not a good thing.
Yesterday I had an unexpected visitor, Skylnn.
I'm not sure if she knows what is going on, but she showed a lot of sympathy for me.
But that is just the thing I didn't want, I don't want sympathy. That's why I'm not talking to anyone. If I see Cameron he will hug me and say how sorry he is. If I see friends and family they will make sure I know how much they love me, which is good but I seriously don't need it. If I went onto YouTube I would sing how I'm feeling, which would lead to sympathy, or if I went on Twitter I'm sure I would see tweets either saying how sorry they feel for me or how proud of Nash they are for finally getting rid of me. If I saw any of the boys they would probably just keep hugging me and telling me everything is ok and I deserve better. But I don't deserve better. Nash is who I want to be with, he is everything I have ever wanted.
When I was young I would dream about what kind of guy I would end up with, and somehow all the qualities I wanted in a person are all the qualities Nash has. Everything about him makes me crazily in love with him. We have been together for what, just over a year and a half now and every time I see him or kiss him I still get butterflies.
But you would think after and year and a half I wouldn't have to worry about Nash cheating on me. Surely if he didn't want to be with me he wouldn't of stuck around for this long.
And yes I know I cheated on him with Matt a month or two ago, but I don't understand why he did it to me. Why?
The past few days have felt like a marathon. I've felt lonely, and sad, angry and pissed off all at once. I'm just so hurt, and I don't know what to do.
Today I had to talk to someone, I think it's going to be Cameron. But sooner or later it will have to be Nash.
I didn't think Cameron was home so I called him. He picked up almost instantly, clearly surprised at the fact my name popped up on his screen. "Um Jo!?" Cam said confused. "Cameron where are you" I asked him. "I'm in the kitchen. Is everything ok?" He said. "No" I said starting to cry. "I need you to come here right now" I said, he hung up and ran upstairs. He opened my room and dove into my bed hugging the life out of me. I sat with my legs crossed and he jumped on top of me. I was crying and shaking and I didn't know how to tell him. "Cameron I really need to tell you something" I cried into his chest. "You can. But just let me hold you for a little longer" he said, his arms were around me, my head on his chest. I could only just hear him breathing over the sound of myself crying. He was breathing slowly, which calmed me down and made me breathe at the same pace as him. "Ok now your calmed down, what is it?" He asked me. I sat up to face him, he grabbed my hands and held them tightly. "Cameron, you know how I kissed Matt a month or two ago?" I started. "Yes. Oh god please don't tell me you did again" he said with a worried look on his face. "No. It was the same occasion" I said. Cameron's worried face went to a concerned face. "Cam" I paused for a second to catch my breath. "I slept with him" I paused again. "And. I'm pregnant" I stopped talking. I let go of cams hands and covered my face. I started to cry. Cameron still hasn't said anything. A few seconds later I was absolutely balling my eyes out, I let out a yelp and screamed. Cameron hugged me, he just hugged me. His head was on my shoulder, I felt a tear fall from his face as he said "it will be ok. Joey. We will get through this. I promise".
He let me go and I wiped away my tears. "Have you told Nash?" He asked me. "No Cameron. Your the only person I have actually talked to. I have not talked to a single person" I said to him. "You need to tell him" cam said kissing my forehead.
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Will Nash and Joey break up for good? You'll have to wait and see ;)
