The Land Which Bears Your Footprints

Chapter 6 - And Out Of Light

Author's Note: Rey struggles... and someone else shows up. :)

~ Amina Gila

She misses Ben. She misses him more than she misses Sidious right now, and Rey doesn't know what that says about her. Seeing Ben's family made her crave to have one of her own, and it feels like something of a betrayal. Sidious is her grandfather. She shouldn't want more than that. He's all the family she has. He took care of her, and she ran off because he told her to kill someone who shouldn't even matter to her.

Maybe she really isn't ready to be a Sith. Isn't ready to be much of anything, actually.

She feels lost. She doesn't know anyone, doesn't even have a place to go. She can go to talk to Kix, but she doesn't know that he won't turn her over to the Republic. He should.

What she did was probably considered treasonous. She can't go back to Sidious without fulfilling the mission, and she's too terrified to do that, too. She should have. But...

Hyperspace streaks past her outside, and Rey settles back in her seat, tugging her knees up to her chest and just watching.

This feels familiar – the emptiness and loneliness. She also remembers times when she didn't feel like that. A time when she still had people. Craving and longing for family when she will never have one is pointless, but she can't stop. Not after seeing how it was with Ben and his parents.

It doesn't seem fair for her to not have what everyone else does. Maybe she thought of Kix first because he, like her, lost everyone and he would understand how she feels. Empty. Purposeless. Lost and floating adrift amidst the whirlwind of the galaxy, and if something happened to either of them tomorrow, it's not like anyone would miss them. And if Ben does miss her, he shouldn't.

Her comm beeps. That's the first time Rey remembers it's still on, and her blood turns to ice.

Sidious is calling her, and she needs to – no. No, she can't tell him she failed and ran. She sets the comm on the dashboard, but watching the flashing light as it beeps makes her feel even worse. She should call him back, explain the situation so they can figure out what to do from here, but she can't.

Instead, Rey turns it off altogether.

He's going to be angry, but she can't – can't –

What is she doing, anyway? It's not like Kix will know what to do any more than she does. She wants to go home. If only there was a home left to go back to.

There's not. Not for her.

***

Tracking down where Kix is working takes longer than Rey was hoping for, but he currently has some military job for the New Republic and is presently off duty. So, for once, something might be going in her favor, but seeing as he might turn her over anyway, that probably won't matter.

She's awkwardly lingering near where he's staying, wondering what she should even do with herself now when he finds her first.

"Rey?" he asks, clearly surprised to see her there, "What are you doing here?"

"I... came to see how you were," she offers. It feels like a lie because that's not why she came, even though it's true. She has wondered about him from time to time, and she did want to come back. Just... under different circumstances.

He feels depressed in the Force but looks momentarily touched at that. "Everything is... different, but I'm adjusting. Don't have much choice."

She nods. "Yeah. I... know it must be hard." It's so much like how she feels, except she does have somewhere to go but she's too scared to go there.