Shiny pretty things

Chapter 7

Some people are plagued with the fear of things that they cannot touch. Like darkness, height, and death. Others wake up in cold sweat about imaginary monsters.

Not Tay. He is not one to scare easily but New frightens him. It is the things he makes Tay feel that are terrifying. He constantly walks around with an avalanche of emotions these days. One wrong move and he might get swept away.

It is for this reason that he sits opposite New Thitipoom, heart in his mouth and palms damp with sweat. He rubs them on his silk pants and starts, "So—," New stops chewing for a moment and looks up. He tips his head to the side, prompting Tay to carry on. "In the kitchen—," he doesn't finish before New starts shaking his head.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Fine. Be silly then." Tay drags his chair back and prepares to leave, maybe stomp his feet like a child.

"Hey hey, Tay, sit down. I was just—,"

"Just pulling my legs?" Tay chimes in. "Just playing with me? Stop playing with me. Stop it, Newwiee. Haven't you played with me enough?"

New straightens in his chair. His eyes turn contrite and doleful. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"We kissed." He states matter of fact.

"You kissed me." The actor corrects. The walls are forming behind his eyes again. He looks like he wants to be anywhere but here.

"You kissed me back." Tay points a finger to his still sore lips because, of course, New is a kinky fucker who bites lips.

"It was the heat of the moment, I got carried away." When Tay only glares, New roughly pushes back the hair from his face. "I—I don't know what you want from me."

"You know what I want from you."

Frustration mars the shape of his face. "Tay don't —,"

"What do you want from me?"

"Nothing." New is quick to answer.

It stings. "You must want something." I must be worth something to you.

"Oh, do you want to buy my affection?"

Tay cannot pretend to be offended because he has thought about doing that many times. Also because he knows the actor is putting up a front. "If that's what it takes."

"Okay buy it then."

"What would it take to be mine?"

"I want one of your fancy cars."

"Done."

New for some reason looks angered by that. He crosses his arms over his chest. "Scratch that. I want a mansion."

"Deal."

"I want a helicopter," he barrels on before Tay can comment. "I want an island."

"Then I'll buy you a fucking island and you can be Moana or whatever you want to be!"

"Hey!" New snaps and Tay clamps his mouth shut. "Moana is awesome. Don't bring her into our issues."

Tay huffs, annoyed. New is making light of the situation. Avoidance is their modus operandi but there are some things even he cannot sweep under the rug. "Can you take this more seriously?"

"I am."

"No, you aren't. I know you have feelings for me and—,"

"So why the fuck are you still asking?" New flares up. Tay has never seen ears turn so red. "If you know what I feel for you, why are you asking? Why can't it just be? Why do I have to explain everything? Why can't—," he pauses the hysteria and coils his fist to his face, breath coming out in puffs.

Tay sits back and watches him unravel. He wants to reach out and soothe his distress but New needs this just as much as he does.

The actor gestures around them. "It's perfect here. It's perfect for us. Why must we ruin it? You make me feel so good. You are the calm in the storm and trust me, my life is a storm. It might not look like it but it is a fucking wreck and then there's you in the center of it all. You are my lifeline. You don't care what I do, what I wear. You don't mind my laugh. Fuck Tay, you try hard to make me laugh." A ghost of a smile appears on his face. "I see your proud grin when I laugh at one of your stupid dad jokes. I see you shake your head fondly when I do things I've been told are unfit for an actor of my caliber."

It dawns on Tay then that he is to New what New is to him. A breath of fresh air. A judgment-free zone. Some would say home. Somewhere they can be their true selves without the added baggage of life. A place devoid of the burden to give more than they can freely offer.

"Newwiee," Tay reaches across the table to touch him and New draws his hand back.

"I-I—you're—," He makes a torn noise in his throat. "I see you. I know you like me but I've been so unlucky in love. What happens when this goes south? You dissolve into the chaos and there'll be nowhere else to turn to. So yes, I like you but I'm afraid too. I can't lose you. I—," he chokes. "I love you too much to allow that."

The declaration in itself is not that surprising. Tay felt his feelings mirrored in their kisses about an hour ago. He is just surprised New said so freely what he has been harboring for months. "You won't lose me. You'd never lose me."

"You're only saying that." A tear breaches New's eyelids and he violently wipes it away. Like the thing personally offended him.

"Don't cry."

"I'm not crying."

New's cheeks are flushed and his lips are red from all the biting. Tay supposes it is to keep them from trembling. His brows are drawn together stubbornly. It is kind of amusing watching him attempt to hold his tears at bay. "New—,"

"I said I'm not crying." A lone tear betrays him. He brushes it away too.

Tay sighs. He grabs a paper towel on the table and holds it out to New. The man snatches it with a muttered thanks.

"We could remain the same," Tay suggests. His chest is hurting and he too wants to cry. "We could stay friends and forget about this conversation. I would do that for you. Anything to make you happy."

New shakes his head. "What about your happiness?"

"Doesn't matter now."

"Don't be ridiculous. Do you think we could go back to acting as friends after this? I'm an actor but I'm not that good of an actor."

"So what do you suggest?"

"I want to try with you."

Tay tastes joy, sweet, and orange in the back of his throat. He wasn't this happy when he made the drum major's team in uni. "Yeah?" It is all he can get out.

"Yeah." The actor nods. Then he holds the tear-soaked paper towel to Tay's face like he did with a fork some months ago. "Break my heart and I'll kill you. I know martial arts."

Through the tough act, Tay hears the quake in New's voice. If anyone should be scared of getting their heart broken, it should be him. "I won't. And you don't break my heart. You might just break me."

New's eyes soften and fresh tears start to pool in them. "Okay, I won't. Deal?"

"Deal." Tay stretches a hand across the table to seal the deal with a handshake. New glares at the hand like it killed his pet.

"Come over here and kiss me, Tay."

He needn't be told twice.

A/N: feedback na ka. Enjoy the fluff for now.