Slow fade

10

It was raining so like the idiot I am I cracked open the window in my room and lit up a cigarette. It's been a couple days than that party and bill has tried getting me out of the house but I always turned it down.

I pulled out the book that I packed from my house. It was a photo book of pictures of me and my mom. My favorite was of us at my 5th birthday. She was holding me and kissing my cheek. For the first time in years I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

I guess when you bottle things in for so long they have to come out. I flicked the ask from my cigarette and then put it back to my lips. I heard a knock on my door so I shut the book and wiped my face so whoever it was didn't see that I had been crying.

" come in."I watched as bill opened the door.

" I can't sleep."

He sat on my bed and saw the book. He then looked up at me.

" we're you crying?"

I looked at the book and then I felt another year roll down. Bill gently put his hand on the back of my head and placed it in his shoulder. He rubbed my back as I let the tears roll.

" I'm sorry I haven't cried in so long and I guess I bottled them up for to long."

" it's ok I understand I'm just glad I'm here so you aren't alone."

I grabbed the book and opened it up. I looked at the pictures and bill looked at them with me.

" this is all I really have left of my mom. I haven't looked at it in so long. That's my favorite picture."

I pointed at the picture from my birthday and bill laughed.

" you're covered in icing."

" yea it was a really good cake."

We continued to look at the pictures. I've known bill for about a month know and he has yet to leave my side or try and do anything like my other friends did.

" bill I want to open up to you. I feel as if I can trust you if that's all right with you."

" I want to be here with you no matter what. I want to be your friend you deserve one and I think I'm a pretty good friend."

" those girls at the party use to be my friends but when they found out my mom had died they changed their attitudes towards me. In the beginning they were there for me but they noticed I was still sad so they stopped being my friends. They said I was to moody and they didn't like that. I had one friend that stayed though that was Rachel. When the abuse started with my father I only had rachel left as a friend. I opened up to her about it and she was apologetic but apparently she was only there to tell people things about me. She told the whole school about what my father did to me and would joke about it. I haven't trusted anyone else since then."

I didn't tell him about how my mom died and I left out a few details he didn't need to know everything. If I can trust him with this information then maybe I can trust him one day to tell him everything.

" I promise you that I'll never do that. I won't tell anyone unless you gave me permission and even if I did have permission I don't think I could. I'll be by your side through the good and the bad. I promise I'll never leave you."

We sat there with my head in his shoulder. Eventually the tears stopped and we opened the book back up. We looked at them until I realized the sun was coming up.

" you want to get something to eat?"bill asked me. I agreed and we headed to the kitchen. He grabbed some stuff out of the fridge and the cabinets and started cooking. It was nice to see someone do something like this for me.

" smells good in here."

I turned my head to see hills dad coming into the kitchen with Tom following behind him. Their father smiled at me and I gave a pretend smile back but Tom didn't say anything to me or even look at me.

When the food was done bill put food on our plates and we all sat down at the table and ate the food. It was really good. I didn't even realized I had eaten everything until I looked down to see it empty.

That was the first time I had finished a meal in what seems like forever. I'm going to need bill to cook for me from now on. I looked at bill and smiled at him.

" thank you bill." I said. I took my plate to the kitchen and washed it and then put it back into the cabinet. I didn't say anything else and walked upstairs to my room. It felt good to tell bill somethings but I will always have the fear of him going and telling someone.

I walked into my bathroom and put two lines on the counter. I put my nose to it and let it enter my body. I turned on the shower and went inside. I slid down the wall and sat there as the drugs were beginning to take their effect.