Forevermore - Lovertation

Desperate For Comfort

Song- exile- Taylor Swift (feat. Bon Iver)

(BIG TW! Please skip this chapter if you are uncomfortable with torture, use of weapons and similar)

Lover

I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. There were dark bags under my eyes from lack of sleep and I had started to break out as skin care had dropped to the bottom of my list of priorities. I had started to lose weight from lack of food from spending so much time with Karma. She was always the top priority for us, not that I expected much more from her. There would often be times when we would go out to her favourite restaurant and I would never be invited to order. All of Karma's friends were exactly like her, drunk sickos with no awareness of other people. I was feeling more alone than ever before with no one but Karma around me.

It was close to 11 o'clock when I walked into the kitchen, I was exhausted, malnourished and hungry as ever. I yawned and picked up a few pieces of bread before putting them into the toaster. While waiting for them to toast I leaned on the counter, my hands in my hair in an attempt to rid myself of a splitting headache.

'What are you doing?' A voice snapped from behind me. I turned around and saw Karma standing there, she must have come back inside from her daily smoking session out the front.

'Ju- just making some toast'.

'Stop stammering, it's unattractive'.

'Sorry,' I looked down. Karma motioned to a bruise on my cheek I hadn't covered up.

'And put some makeup on that, it's mucking up your pretty face and I don't want people to know about it'.

'I'm working on it; I just ran out of concealer'.

'Are you talking back to me? I didn't ask for your sob story'.

Her words cut deep, and my eyes started to water.

'Don't cry for fucks sake, you should be grateful for this opportunity to practise resilience. You should be thanking me!'

Something lit up inside of me after that, a raging anger.

'THANK YOU? YOU WANT ME TO THANK YOU? FOR WHAT? RUINING MY LIFE, MAKING MY LOVE HATE ME? IF YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND I'M GOING TO THANK YOU, YOU CAN THINK AGAIN, YOU SICK CUNT' I practically shouted at her. As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted everything. My hands slapped to my face and my eyes widened.

'Oh- oh my god, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that I promise'.

'What did you just say to me?'. Karma's voice was dangerously low, her eyes shooting daggers.

'I don't even know I-'.

I didn't have the chance to finish my sentence before Karma marched over to me and grabbed a fistful of my hair. I cried out and scrunched my watering eyes in pain.

'What was it you called me? A sick cunt?' Karma said once she had dragged me into her bedroom and locked the door.

'I'll show you a sick cunt' Karma walked over to her bedside table and pulled out a pocketknife. She grabbed my arm and pulled up my sleeve before turning my arm, so the underside was facing up. I had no clue what would happen next until Karma pushed the tip of the knife into my skin in one straight line under my wrist. I cried out, tears running from my eyes as I watched my blood drop off my skin and onto the carpet.

'You better shut up' Karma said before moving the knife once, twice, multiple times up my arm. I bit my tongue in a desperate attempt to stay quiet, my eyes scrunched up and tilted towards the ceiling. After what felt like hours of torture, Karma put the knife back into her drawer and dropped my arm.