Call me your lover

Personal stuff (I'm sorry)

So there is this girl
We have been friends for like 3 years now
And when I first got to know her she told me about her crush who happens to be a girl

So after I figured out that she wasn't straight our friendship became like reallyyyy flirty
It let to the point that we kissed a couple of times and already talked about how we want to be in a relationship

Yeah I quickly became unsure and after the rumours went around in school that we're dating I was scared
So I texted her basically that it was over and I don't wanna destroy the friendship

Now she's in talking stage with someone new and let's just say

I am jealous as fuck
And it is my fault cause I was the one who said no.

I am acting really mad towards her and I talk bad about her crush and ik that's wrong but wtf am I supposed to do now?

Sorry that I'm posting all this personal stuff but idk I can't really tell my other friends