for now, i'll be stuck in this beautiful nightmare
'til you come back, i'll be standing right here
do I ever cross your mind?
you used to be something like a beautiful daisy
but now you're like a rose with your thorns, how you hurt me
do i ever cross your mind anymore?
---
"you said you'll stay," lily whines, grabbing haewon's hand and refusing to let go.
that was a mistake, because as she's tugging on haewon's arm in an attempt to stop her from leaving—she falls to the floor.
"are you okay?" haewon asks, barely hiding her amusement, as she laughs while trying to help lily up.
"oh haewon, you really..." lily laughs. she makes her way back into her chair, hands still in haewon's, eyes still looking at the other girl's face.
"you said you'll stay," she repeats, pleading with both her words and her eyes.
haewon sighs, lightly touching lily's cheek—just for a moment, not longer. it was hesitant and brief, but still it made lily's cheeks fill with color. still, it made lily's heart clench.
"i'd love to stay, but i have some work that i want to finish," haewon sighs again. "have fun though! i'll come back when i'm done, if you're still here."
lily nods, pouting just a little, and haewon can't fight the smile on her face as she takes her leave.
the smile stays the rest of the day.
—
"you said you'll stay."
lily's words barely cut through the rain, even though she's trying her hardest—but that's all she can do. she can only try. whatever comes after that is a result of someone else's decision, whether that someone is somewhere up in the sky, or the person standing right in front of her.
"haewon," lily calls, desperation making its way into her voice. "you said that you'll stay."
maybe it's the way they're standing in the rain, or the way there's no one else out on the street. maybe it's the way lily is talking to haewon while haewon has her back turned on her, or it could be the way lily's heart aches in her chest—or maybe it's the fact that lily has felt this day coming for a long time.
she always knew that haewon would leave someday, no matter how many times she promised she'd stay. she felt it coming, over the past few months, as they started talking to each other less, as the space between them widened and the red string that tied them together loosened, eventually coming undone on its own.
lily had been waiting for this day to come. not anticipating it, but expecting it, with a heart full of dread and worry. she couldn't do anything but wait.
now it's here, and it's raining, not so hard that it's pouring, but just enough to make it sad.
it's raining, and they're standing in the street, and lily is begging haewon to stay while haewon still won't turn around to look at her, and before lily realizes it, tears are spilling from her eyes, down her cheeks, falling from her face to join the rain as it falls from the sky and onto the street.
"oh haewon," lily calls again, voice breaking and trembling. anyone can hear the pain in her voice now, even a passer-by.
lily doesn't know what she's expecting, exactly. maybe an apology, or an attempt at comforting her. ideally, she wanted haewon to turn around and pull her into a hug and never let her go—realistically, however, she just wants haewon to turn around. to look at her as she broke her heart.
but she doesn't.
lily watches haewon's back as she walks away, shoulders shaking, so lily can tell that her girlfriend—ex-girlfriend now—is crying too. but maybe it's not worth it anymore, for her to stay.
and maybe it's time for lily to realize that it's not worth it anymore, for her to try.
