haewon has liked lily for a really, really long time, but does lily like her back?
(spoiler alert: she does.)
---
So.
Haewon has feelings. And these feelings have been there for a long time. But, well, she hasn't actually tried to deal with them at all.
So when she finally tries to deal with them, she realizes that she actually doesn't know what to do at all.
She's been contemplating this for a while now. Dealing with her feelings is the last thing she'd want to do. But in this case, there really is no avoiding it, is there?
She can't avoid those butterflies that come to her stomach when Lily wraps her arms around her. She couldn't avoid Lily herself, either, because hell, that'd only make things worse for the both of them.
It's hard. It really is.
Everyone seems to think that she should just tell her how she feels, but that's really, really fucking hard.
To come up to your best friend that you've fallen for and confess to them that you want to be something more than friends sounds like a dumb idea to Haewon.
Especially when she's convinced herself that the latter didn't feel the same.
Who could blame her, though? Sure, the concept of catching feelings for your best friend is nothing new. But who exactly falls for someone—whom they've been nothing but friends with—and expect them to feel the same way?
Someone with great confidence, sure, but that's not Haewon.
She stares at her lunch. She's barely even touched it. She might have even forgotten that there was food in front of her.
All she could think about was her feelings.
And Lily, of course.
But, well, maybe she was way too stuck inside her head. Because when she realizes that Lily is straight-up staring at her with a concerned look on her face, she nearly chokes.
"Oh my god, are you okay?"
"Yeah?" That's all that Haewon could reply. She'd never meant to sound confused when she said it, but hey, the words have already come out. No turning back now.
"Why do you sound confused?" Lily looked at her, that concerned look still plastered on her face.
"Because I am." That's what she wants to say. She wants to tell her that she's so confused because she might just love her but who is she to say that she feels the same?
But instead of letting it all out right after she just choked on her goddamn meal after realizing that her head was in the clouds for a full fifteen minutes, she doesn't answer Lily. Instead, she rushes to the lavatory.
"This is stupid," she thinks. Her reflection in the mirror is staring her down like it's challenging her to just go and tell Lily how she feels.
She wants to. She really does. But there's this growing fear inside of her that Lily just doesn't feel feel the same way. And she hates it.
She hates how she listens to it like a song on repeat.
"Won?"
That voice. That ever-so-calming voice.
Haewon was never one to find someone's voice attractive, but something about Lily's soft and caring voice made her feel so...drawn to her.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah."
Lily walks towards her, and Haewon swears that her heart was about to jump out of her chest. Cliché, sure. But it's true.
How the hell did she even survive back when she didn't realize?
Lily places a hand on Haewon's cheek, slowly caressing it. She held her like she was fragile, like she was made of porcelain.
Haewon stays silent.
Lily looks at her. Her eyes focused on her like she was memorizing every bit of her.
Haewon breathes in.
Lily smiles.
"Can I tell you something?" Haewon says. Lily only nods, signaling her to go on.
"I may have choked because I was stuck in my own head," Haewon says, biting back a laugh. "When I realized you were staring at me...."
Lily laughs.
(And Haewon tries not to smile at that, but she obviously fails.)
"Why would you choke at me staring at you?"
Haewon takes a deep breath. Great, this is the hard part.
"Maybe because it's hard to believe that the prettiest girl I know is staring at me, and I feel like melting?"
"You say that like you like me." Lily chuckles, but the look on her face was...different? Haewon couldn't read it.
"You know what? Maybe I do. Wait, no. I actually do. And I fucking hate it because I know that you don't feel the same way."
Haewon feels like crying. She feels tears threatening to escape her eyes. She's been keeping it in for so long that saying it out loud hurts her.
But then, Lily laughs.
And no, it's not just those little laughs that she gives out occasionally. It's the type of laugh that makes her sound like she's running out of breath.
Haewon could only stare, thinking what could've been so funny about what she'd just said.
"Stupid." Lily chuckles, "you really think that I don't feel the same way?"
Haewon...froze.
"Please, why do you think my cheeks start to burn up every time you compliment me? Why do you think I always reach out for your hand to hold it?"
"I like you too, you idiot." Lily says, reaching out for Haewon's hand to play with her fingers.
"I- you- what?"
Lily laughed. "I like you."
