i would wear your poison kisses like i wear lipstick.
---
Jinsol was blinded by her.
By Haewon's charming words, by her steady gaze, by the attention she craved from Haewon for so long–
By the love Jinsol fooled herself into believing Haewon had for her.
Jinsol set herself up for an inevitable fall, letting Haewon's words of "I love you" and "I've been thinking of you all day" fool her; the silly, naive little girl who was just too eager to love and to be loved in return. She should've known better. Haewon had completely ignored her for the past few months, despite her claims of having Jinsol on her mind the whole entire time -
because the absent phone calls and missing text messages and overall silence on her part meant Jinsol was the only thing Haewon could think of.
Strike One.
Jinsol's friends coming up to her that day, telling her to be careful with Haewon, advising the girl to forget about her because of who she was now, warning her against loving Haewon in hopes of protecting Jinsol's flyaway heart.
Strike Two.
Every social media platform buzzing with photos and comments about the various people pictured with Haewon with more friendliness than needed. Haewon didn't ever agree, but she also didn't disagree.
Strike Three.
When was Jinsol going to see that everything about the girl screamed trouble - and not the exhilarating, thrilling trouble but the trouble that would leave Jinsol crying on the way off the pitch of this game, leaving a trail of her broken heart behind her as she walked into an overwhelming numbness that would last for weeks.
When was she going to see that Haewon didn't love her? That when Haewon looked at her, she wasn't lost in her eyes - she was lost in how she was reflected in them.
That when Haewon touched her, she wasn't absorbing the love that radiated from Jinsol's pores - she was testing the girl's reaction with calculated brushes of her hand to see just what she could get from her.
That when Haewon said "I love you", there wasn't any sincerity in her voice, in her eyes - she was saying the words that she said to everyone else that caught her eye for more than a minute, and she was using those three words to trap Jinsol for as long as she needed her. But the thing is, Haewon didn't need Jinsol. She wanted Jinsol. She wanted to play with Jinsol, to toy with her heart like some plaything that a conniving girl like her would dissect before leaving the pieces lying around as she jumped to her next interest. Haewon loved toys and she loved games and Jinsol's heart was the toy handed so willingly over to her to take. Jinsol gave her her heart and gave her her feelings and in doing so, she gave Haewon every opportunity to break her just the way she wanted to.
And the best part?
Jinsol would come back, over and over again, back to Haewon's arms and back to the love she harbored for her - you silly, stupid, foolish girl - and Haewon would just break her all over again.
But like everything she plays with, she'll get bored. She'll get tired of stringing Jinsol along and she'll drop her without a warning; already looking for the next new game to play. But Jinsol doesn't think of this. She doesn't think of any of those things despite the clear three strikes and the strange absurdity of Haewon's sudden profession of love towards her. She doesn't think of Haewon and the rumors or her friends and their warnings. Jinsol doesn't think of anything except Haewon saying, "Yes, I love you too" after years of dreaming of those words leaving her lips.
Jinsol has always held onto that hope, to that chance that Haewon might love her back; that the beauty of Haewon's being could love the plain her just like how she loved Haewon. And it's that hope - the hope that she carried through the darkest nights - that will bring her down. Because that's what led her to believe that she had a chance. It's what blinded her with that possibility when any rational person could see the indifference in Haewon's eyes as clearly as they could see the infatuation in Jinsol's.
But of course, Jinsol couldn't see it for herself.
She was too busy staring at Haewon - blinded.
